What was I an idiot? Of course there's an OM...

[workinghardguy]

Journaling... another mixed day, those are the norm for the forseeable future I guess. Day started with a message from a friend who had been talking with my W. W told her about being unhappy for the past 8 years, that we are divorcing this summer, but keeping it from the kids until we can't anymore.

So yeah, that started the day off on a chipper note. But it was also freeing. Sure she's said these things to me, but I've not known whether she was saying it elsewhere... now I do. It sort of was the last nudge I needed to detach. To get my act together and prepare myself for living without her. Made it a melancholy day, but it is what it is.

At the same time, my newfound detachment has made DBing much, much easier. Maybe it was the message, the detachment, or just the stomach flu but this morning when she came downstairs I said nothing and kept reading my ipad. When she came back through I still said nothing, not even a good morning which would be my norm. The third time she came through she felt the need to stop and tell me about running in to her friend at our SD's school. Ok, great. Back to my ipad.

She was gone most of the day while I was home sick. She did actually show a small bit of concern this morning which was nice. She got home and again I said zero to her. After a while she feels the need to tell me about her day and ask what I think of her Halloween outfit. Told her it looked fine and took my S outside to make his zombie clothes look like zombie clothes. That was pretty fun actually

Then dinner time is approaching. It almost killed me, but I refused to make dinner. Had I not been home sick it would have been her night to make dinner. Time kept ticking by, but I let it sit and watched Captain America with the kids. Lo and behold she came downstairs and started making supper, grumbling about running out of time.

She went to guitar lessons and got home just as I had to leave for school board. I literally walked out as she walked in. She asks, "You leaving?" I reply, "Yep" and leave. She tosses back "have fun".

Got home tonight early from school board. Dropped my bag by the chair and went upstairs. Putzed around with putting away clothes and getting ready for tomorrow. W suddenly comes in and asks me a question about SD. Then starts talking about guitar lessons. Then about SS. Then I end the convo and head downstairs to read. A few minutes later she follows and starts a 25 minute convo about her workplace.

So yeah... I think I DB'd pretty darn good today. And her reactions were all very much what DR says to hope for. Yet I see no cracks or indecision. But I don't care either... I really, really don't. She'll come around or she won't. I'm starting to believe that until she has to actually DO something there will be no change. Until she has to file papers, tell the kids and break their hearts, face the fiscal realities of our house and whatnot that she will simply live this little fantasy life.

Ok... whatever. I will get my life together and move on. At some point this will change, change after all is the only thing you can rely on. And either she'll change it or eventually I will. I have a lot of patience, a hell of a lot more than she does, but that doesn't mean I'll always just be sitting around. I believe there's a saying about playing with fire and sometimes getting burned.