Wow - long time! You met my sister, did you not? It has been 11 years for her as well and her kids never see the ex who moved thousands of miles away. Forgets their birthdays and child support. A total dickhead. Never has a nickel to his name but always seems to have Internet. Hmmm..
Clearly we are the winners. Making it to the other side is a long and tedious road. I'm glad to say that I broke the ice with my ex this past year but as for seeing him - ugh - I'd prefer not to. I nearly wet my pants when D suggested she'd rather bring her brother to grad than her dad.
Congrats on raising 2 obviously fine kids. They sound fantastic. Ha ha - your ex has 3 year old twins? Looks good on him.
I'm so glad you posted. So many friends never check here anymore but many I stay in touch with and they're doing great. YEAH!
I kinda love that your ex has 3 y/o twins...(though I sort of feel bad for them when they figure out their dad isn't a dad to his other kids. And how long can he blame YOU for that? Does he still?)
every milestone the twins will have, he'll wonder about the ones he missed. And when your d has her own children and he's a grandpa, what then?
Oh, as for moving to Alaska, ignore the part of my signature block that seems to bash it. I found the winters hard but mostly b/c h got nutty within a month of landing there. Just BE BUSY and you'll be fine. Especially if you already know people there. Moving there 8 months pregnant probably wasn't the smartest thing I ever did.
Glad you are both on the other side.
I DO think newcomers, well maybe a year into being "new" ought to read about what it's like when things go well.
Frankly, it's a rare LBSer who doesn't grow from this experience, nightmare that it might be at the time.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Hi Barb Sadly I never did meet your sister. We were initially supposed to do so in Arizona way back in the day but it never worked out. She and I did have a lot of good times on the board and in Hacker's chatroom though. I was friends with her *out there* but dumped that account and lost touch with her. She is a delightful lady.
There is no breaking the ice with my X. He is, and probably always will be a narcissistic JA. Don't you love that he is almost 50 and has 3 year old twins? I still crack up about it. When my kids come home telling me about how much work they are or the antics that ensue I just laugh and tell them that no good turn goes unpunished. Doesn't it just seem nuts that as our youngest was graduating HS he started all over again with diapers? That being said - the little guys are super cute and my kids love them to pieces. It took some work on my part to help my son separate the little ones from the idiot that is his father. He finally accepted that the babes need him to be a good big brother for them regardless of what his father had done. My girl - being older, a girl and slightly baby crazy had an easier time with acceptance. Funny story: Upon being told that her father and the new wifey were having babies my daughter immediately sent my fiancé a text message informing him that if he knocked me up she would shank him. She was mostly kidding, of course. He wasted no time in assuring both of my children that that was just not possible. They still joke about that to this day. They love my fiancé and cannot wait for us to get married.
The kids still bear the scars of the divorce but 9 years later they are fading somewhat. That isn't to say that things don't back up on them. Life as an adult child of divorce isn't an easy one. *sigh*
Life for SWL is good. The last photo I saw of the X - he looks like hell. I saw a someecard a while back that fits perfectly. *For every photo that you post on Facebook of your kid, I will post one of me having a life.*
I am happy that you check in here once in a while. I often wonder about so many that were here back in our day. It is good to see how we have picked up the pieces of our lives and soldiered on. We are the lucky ones.
Happy Wednesday! ~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
I know, right? It is just hilarious. 50 years old and 2 kids still in diapers. Love it! How awkward will it be when he has 5 year old kids and also has grand babies? He already looks like the grandfather now to his own little ones and when they are out together {the x, the wifey, the little ones, my daughter and son-in-law} people of course think that the little ones belong to my daughter and son-in-law. It is the logical way to think, right? Crazy!
As far as being a dad to our kids - it is hit and miss. He is often not there for either of them but especially for our son who has given the X the most grief. What did he really expect? The young man went off on his dad two weeks ago about how he doesn't listen, isn't supportive and how it has been that way since the divorce. The X tried his best to convince the kid that it wasn't so but I didn't raise any stupid kids. My fiancé is more of a dad to my son than his father and my son goes to him for support and advice first.
I have been to Alaska a number of times in the past few years and love it there. My fiancé has lived up there for over 20 years and is well established. I do have a few friends and acquaintances up there at this point. Lots to keep us busy with his church and our plans to turn his bach pad into our home and just getting to know Alaska. We already have a college football afternoon planned for next season with a couple of friends of ours that live just down the road. My team against his. Should be good fun!
We were hoping that he would move to CA where I have a home but that obviously isn't in the cards. The job market is just horrible and even more so for govt workers. So we changed our plans and are months away from finally being together. We will rent my house out for now because the loss I would take on a sale is just ridiculous. A property manager will take care of every thing for us so it should all work out just fine. He wants to keep the house so that in the future when we are too cold in Alaska we can play the snowbird game and come to CA for a while. Works for me.
I agree that newcomers that are not quite so new should be able to take a peek at the other side and realize that while yes, it is a horrible experience - people still come out on the other side happy and living life.
Those rare LBSer's who remain stuck never understood that to be successful you have to keep moving forward and live your life no matter what. Sad.
Happy Wednesday! ~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
Apparently, there's a growing trend of "older" dads. I read about it in Microtrends. Couple of reasons. One, women are waiting longer to have kids. Two, men and women are aging better. The number of "reverse" vasectomies is growing each year.
I know I didn't want to have kids in my 40s. But now, if I found the right person, I'd have a reverse vasectomy and have another. I really don't plan on ever retiring.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
SWL: My sis mentioned you quite a bit. I remember those times in the chat room - the Hot Tub although I think my sis was there much more. I usually checked out who was there - but that was about it.
I'm glad your kids have got to know the twins. It is important that you stepped back and allowed them to work that out with their dad.
C2H: All that you are feeling right now will change in time. You are still raw. I know how I felt in the first couple of years. Sure glad I don't feel like that now.
Only time will tell what will happen and how you will feel. But be true to yourself. Give yourself time to heal.
It's my impression that you are not ready to date. It just sounds like it from your posts. I know that I started before I was ready as well. And it did nothing for my healing.
I was lonely and sad. I finally joined a singles social group and it was really fun. Just times to get together with others - dinners, picnics, hiking, a movie. It was a good place to go to find myself and I really recommend it.
CTH, I agree with SunFunOne. Take time and find you again! I, too looked around right after things were done and it was disaster. Now, 18 months out I'm in a much better place to attract a "quality" person. Patience, patience, patience. She will be worth the wait.
I did a Rebuilding Seminar for 10 weeks and it did wonders. Also, look for meetup groups in your area to find others with your same interests (not necessarily for dating).
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Barb, I think I knew you as barbie doll...I left here for years and just came back. Some of us left here but stayed in contact. In fact I am still friends with two of them.
I went over to RMM and still with them. I have seen many marriage restored, even after a divorce and the spouse marrying the other person ! So I know it is more than possible, a miracle. But, I can say it is not for the weak.
Recently, I had given up and decided to date online. But, something was telling me it was wrong, so I left the online dating and resumed my journey. It wasn't long after that my spouse came over after not seeing him for 1 1/2 yrs. I also started hearing things; life with the other person wasn't doing so great.
I have 3 daughters. D29, D27, D25.Sad thing is their don't respect their father. And he was so into the other person he forgot to water his plants (girls) He even had a new lady lined up...They are always looking for something and not finding it.
Agree w/ Sun, I remember dating too soon and i was so delicate, and somewhat paranoid, couldnt enjoy the person or the date, i stopped and had quite a bit more fun w/ girlfriends, and without even thinking about it, all of a sudden was ready, knew that if i dated and it didnt work out, that was OK, i was still ok, just not for that person, didnt take it so personally, some became friends even, not everyone is a match for everyone
Then i met my wonderful fiance, it was the right time, wasnt planning on anything serious.. thats what it is, when your ready,, and its different for everyone but for sure, you have to heal yourself and start really love being with yourself before it can work.
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
She is a delightful lady. 
Doesn't it just seem nuts that as our youngest was graduating HS he started all over again with diapers? That being said - the little guys are super cute and my kids love them to pieces. It took some work on my part to help my son separate the little ones from the idiot that is his father. He finally accepted that the babes need him to be a good big brother for them regardless of what his father had done. My girl - being older, a girl and slightly baby crazy had an easier time with acceptance. Funny story: Upon being told that her father and the new wifey were having babies my daughter immediately sent my fiancé a text message informing him that if he knocked me up she would shank him. She was mostly kidding, of course. He wasted no time in assuring both of my children that that was just not possible. They still joke about that to this day. They love my fiancé and cannot wait for us to get married. 
