KML, when I get overtired, I get wound up sometimes. I can relate. And it stinks. The doctor said to find a time between 7 and 9:30 (b/c one was too early and one was too late) and that timing seems to work perfectly for her.
She is definitely prone to overtired.
She definitely gets enough exercise - she's out of the house by 10 each day doing an activity - art, story time, gym class, music, singalong, etc. and then in the afternoon she goes to the park and runs around. She walks and plays outside.
At this point, it feels to me like separation anxiety; it only happens on the night exBF isn't here. Every single time. I tried sleeping in another room last night and put a monitor in the room for her (so I could hear her) and she woke at 12:30 shrieking MOMMY!!!!!!! and then I tried to get her back down in her bed, and she was awake (tossing and turning and then just lying there with her eyes open) for an hour before I very very very reluctnatly brought her into bed with me at 2 am. She did the same (tossed, turned, and laid with her eyes open.) Until 6 when she finally passed out.
Ken, you offer a lot of really good input, and I very much appreciate it - and what you've said on other posts. But if this upsets you, I'd rather you didn't post (if it's too upsetting) than get angry at me. As a previous mod said, encouragement is helpful and welcome here. If I'm doing something wrong, and can use feedback, specifics and neutral language are helpful to me. Otherwise, I just start to feel defensive b/c I don't know what's coming at me or why. I hope you can understand this. Thank you, though.
At this point, it feels to me like separation anxiety; it only happens on the night exBF isn't here.
But it was happening before he ever left, so really, that can't be the explanation.
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she woke at 12:30 shrieking MOMMY!!!!!!! and then I tried to get her back down in her bed, and she was awake (tossing and turning and then just lying there with her eyes open)
Try taking her to the bathroom before you put her back down to sleep. My oldest had night terrors, if we took him to pee he'd go back down just fine.
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she was awake (tossing and turning and then just lying there with her eyes open) for an hour before I very very very reluctnatly brought her into bed with me at 2 am. She did the same (tossed, turned, and laid with her eyes open.)
So why bother to take her into your bed then? All that accomplishes is that YOU don't get any sleep either.
KML - I took her to bed b/c me being in the back bed didn't work, me being next to her bed (on the floor holding her hand) didn't work, and I was exhausted and at least lying down.
What happened before exBF left was that she woke all night. So I nightweaned her and he tended to her at night (b/c I was still day nursing) and then she grew attached to having him around at night. For the most part, she slept well at night for a good 8 months. Started sleeping through the night - but still waking here and there and prone to that overtiredness. But then when things started to get really rocky she would wake for 4 hours at night and the doc said she was overtired, so we got her on a schedule and that helped (when exBF was here). Then the nights he wasn't, she's stay up all night (not crying, just lying there).
Ken..I'm sorry but you are just plain wrong on this. You simply don't let a child go to bed when ever the feel like it...especially a 2 year old. That is setting up for a huge disaster later in life.
It might have worked for you, but most of the experts disagree with you. they say set a schedule and stick to it. You kid will adapt to the schedule. It's been proven time and time again.
I have a 2 year old like LG. I have NEVER had the kind of problems she's having. But I don't let that 2 year old stay up until he starts rubbing his eyes and looks tired. I can't tell you how many times. My little boy has been perky and lively and then we we go to bed he's out within 10 minutes.
Fishoil, vitamins, etc are all the hucksterism to me. What does work a constant schedule and that means no matter WHO does it lila, the routine is mostly the same.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
I have to chime in here. LilaGirl, parenthood's not for the faint of heart! It is HARD sometimes, and it can be frustrating to hear others who had it easier and have all kinds of advice. No offense to the advice-givers - brainstorming is helpful and judging is not.
My little sweeties got nursed to sleep and if they weren't asleep when Allie McBeal came on at 9 I was an angry person and H had to take over. We tried "ferberizing" or letting them "cry it out" and everything else, but we had strong willed children who did not want to go to sleep. I didn't do everything right, heaven knows, they slept with me a lot, and eventually it was two kids and the dog in the bed with us. We heard about it, everyone thought we were making a mistake, but cosleeping worked for us. Nursing worked for us. We created some of our own stress, sure.
What I want to tell you is this too shall pass. It seems like this will be your life forever, but one day you'll notice she goes to sleep better. And then - off to high school! Just kidding.
Relax, and be as forgiving of your exBF as you are of yourself. He may lose his patience sometimes, like everyone does.
Kids are complicated...she may even be getting some kind of positive feedback from the attention her sleep resistance generates.
Nap in the daytime whenever you get the chance, so you can catch up! Keep on truckin'.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Harrier, the sitter put her down tonight. I worry she'll wake looking for me. But even when I put her down, she's woken. She's definitely back in an overtired cycle, which started last Saturday when exBF brought her to his place and she came home hysterically crying. And it took me well past her bedtime to calm her down. It went from there.... and I tried all week to get him to correct it, but I mostly only said it once or twice, and he didn't listen. Now he's gone - so it's my problem. This is one of the major reasons I can't deal with her staying at his apartment.
BTW, he hasn't answered his phone in over 24 hours now. I left a message just now that was gentle, firm, and concerned - I hope I strike the right tone. I could have been "friendlier" I suppose - but I was a little annoyed sounding, so I would have corrected that if I could go back - I said I could see he was frustrated last night and I tried to help by taking her so he could get a break, even though I was on the phone, but then when I came out he was gone, and I didn't understand that. I said I know he wants me to support us now and take over, but I can't do both with the current issues around her sleeping. And that I know he's tired, but I am too and that she's our daughter, and this needs to be addressed in a straightforward way. That he said he'd stay two weeks and contact a psychologist; and so now it seems like he won't be doing that. I said I had two hours of sleep last night and it's hard to keep going like this and if he could call me so we can talk ...
NOthing.
adinva, I'm def. being forgiving. There's no other alternative at this point. Though locking her in a room wasn't exactly a brilliant move. Unfortunately, when I nap in the daytime, the bills don't get paid. Today I napped 90 mins and my eyes are burning. (I edit for a living).
But the positive reinforcement when she wakes is interesting - just don't know what else to do. I go to her. That seems natural. What else would I do?
This kid is so overtired, she woke up the other morning (sunday - my day with her) and I was like "Want to go to the park?" And she was like, 'No." So I drove to my mom's instead, and she was falling asleep in the car on the way there at 10 am and miserable looking.
The night before, she fell asleep in exBF's car at 6 pm. Most nights, she looks like she can pass out at 6. I hate that.
It's why I just really want to get to a place where I don't rely on exBF. A place I can afford. And focus on giving her a good routine. And just get the help I need so I can be stable and stable for her.
he's her dad, he wants an R with her - I want him to have an R with her - but most of the time it feels like he's doing more harm than good. And at least for right now, she's going to need some transitions that work toward staiblity - not more and more and more and more changes like she's been undergoing for months and months.
That's what I see in him, him wanting her to conform to what he wants, and when she doesn't he gets mad. He took her to his place twice and both times were disastrous and he didn't try it again, and hasn't brought it up or overnights or talked about it - I think he gets now that it's more stressful for her than worth it. But if I tried to tell him that - which I did - I have three heads.
Eh. Sorry for venting. I just would love a female single mom roommate in a place that I can afford (meaning, really afford, not barely afford) and a lovely space, and someone to share with (maybe each of us do dinner two nights a week or something) and to pay debt, and build my business back up and take care of my daughter.
