Antonia in answer to your question about my relationship - we met briefly at a meeting in his state. We work in a similar field and we swapped contact details to exchange information. It all went from there.
I think AJMs post has heaps of wisdom in it - and the key, key, key thing I've learned about men and dating, post divorce, is to be myself, be happy and be OK ... when we've got it all together, the rest all falls into place.
I would also really encourage you to read about and understand feminine and masculine energy. There is some great stuff available on the net that explains it very well. One of my country-women, an Australian woman called Renee Wade writes reasonably prolifically on this on her blog, The Feminine Woman. There is also a woman called Rori Raye who writes internet courses on relationship stuff, but her hypothesis is about femininity … you have to dig to find it, but it’s there.
The concept is that we use feminine and masculine energy, but women who are very successful professionally have to learn to rely on their masculine energy to do what they need to do in the workplace. Masculine energy is the doing energy. It’s the get in there and make things happen stuff. It’s about control and its very important to operate in the outside/business world. Feminine energy is the receiving energy. Its about tapping into the Divine in each of us. It’s the trusting energy. It’s the ability to release control and accept the waves of love, fate and destiny that life throws at us.
Too much masculine energy is a turn off for a lot of men (those who are attracted to women who operate from the masculine are normally suffering with a bit too much feminine energy of their own!) It’s not about men not being attracted to women who are strong, independent and successful – it’s about men not being attracted to women, who are strong, independent and successful, but who don’t know how to tap into their soft, caring, accepting spirit.
We are most attractive when we know ourselves, have strong boundaries, like ourselves and our lives and know what we want …. But not to the exclusion of being open, honest and loving in the way we approach the world.
It’s 4 years since my divorce was final and I’m still learning. Sometimes it scares me that I’m 40 and I don’t have it together in a committed, live-in relationship, with a shared house and pets and cars … but the reality is that this is my journey and who says we all have to live the white-picket fence fantasy?
I think we feel the pressure from our family and friends to have a partner and to be part of a couple, it’s the expectation that we all want to live the traditional fairytale in order to live happily-in-the-ever-after. But it’s a con. I lived that life for 15 years – and in hindsight, it actually didn’t make me that happy. I was content. The years slipped by quickly and uneventfully. It was safe and comfortable – but it was also pretty mediocre.
I think that this period of our lives can be somewhat of a second chance. A chance to truly live authentically – now how we are “expected” to live by our parents or society more broadly, but how we chose – with all that entails.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
