you have a tendency to project YOUR state of mind onto everyone elses.
You are overwhelmed.
and much of this is by choice.
you are choosing to try to do everything all at once: classes, moving, counselling, work, coaching, sales, daughter, sleep training, books, etc etc etc.
but why? i'd guess you're desperately trying to keep yourself from working on the hard stuff. its a method of procrastination.
you'll never do any of that properly if you're trying to do it all at once. everything will suffer. its obvious you cant handle it.
so if you dont want to be vulnerable, tired, its up to you. just cut out all the non-necessities. stop trying to force everything to, to control everything.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
the amount of concern you should have is enough to calmly ask what happened. ask, don't accuse. have a discussion.
whats to be achieved by having your daughter on a sleep schedule? its obviously causing issues for all three of you, you've been talking about this for all the months you've been here. If its to give her comfort, its clearly not working.
let her bodily clock tell you when she should go to bed. from your description, the time you chose is too early. thats why she's not going to sleep.
imagine if you were forced to go to be at 7:30 each night. sounds good for the first night, after than you'd toss and turn for hours. this is what you're forcing on her.
if you continue to force her the way you are, you will make her hate bedtime.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
you have a tendency to project YOUR state of mind onto everyone elses.
You are overwhelmed.
and much of this is by choice.
you are choosing to try to do everything all at once: classes, moving, counselling, work, coaching, sales, daughter, sleep training, books, etc etc etc.
but why? i'd guess you're desperately trying to keep yourself from working on the hard stuff. its a method of procrastination.
you'll never do any of that properly if you're trying to do it all at once. everything will suffer. its obvious you cant handle it.
so if you dont want to be vulnerable, tired, its up to you. just cut out all the non-necessities. stop trying to force everything to, to control everything.
Ken, I think I said overwhelmed b/c my sitter just said that "he sounds overwhelmed."
I doubt it's a projection. It was actually me trying to be understanding about where he might be coming from.
As for the rest of what you said here, I'm not sure what it means. I should stop living my life (I always am like this) - and do what?
What am I procrastinating?
I'm not trying to be defensive - god knows, I don't want that whole business starting up again - but I'm just not clear about what this actually means.
whats to be achieved by having your daughter on a sleep schedule?
Ken - what they're trying to achieve is to actually get the adults in the house a passable amount of sleep, instead of the two year old staying up until 6 a.m.
That being said - 7:30 at night to 7:30 in the morning does seem a bit unrealistic, Lila, so perhaps you need to shoot for an earlier wake-up time or a later bedtime? When my kids were small, I did put them to bed by 8 - but they were usually awake by 6:30 or so.
Ken, last night D went to bed at 10. She was up all night. For months, she's gone to bed at 8. 7 is the time we aim to have her in her room. 7:30 is "in bed" and she takes about 20 mins to fall asleep.
Again, I'm not clear what you're telling me to do.
Our doctor told us to do it. We do it b/c she is prone to chronic bouts of overtiredness (meaning, avoiding normal bedtime, not napping long, waking too early after not enough hours of sleep, waking in the middle of the night, unable to return to sleep, rubbing eyes all day long, cranky, etc.)
of course you live your life. why is it all or nothing with you?
but you continuously discuss how you're running everywhere, doing 20 things at once, then complain of being tired. that you dont have the time to get anything done.
of course you're tired, of course things are falling through the cracks. you choose to do too much. and everything suffers. this is your choice.
and doing too much is a technique thats used to prevent themselves from dealing with the things that are hard. cant do the hard stuff because "i'm too busy, i just dont have the time", its a distraction, a procrastination technique
and now its the babysitter saying he's overwhelmed? why not say the truth from the beginning?
and kml, i'm a father, i understand why people put their kids to bed. i'm not an idiot. theres normal sleep schedules, and there unrealistic sleep schedules. i categorize hers as unrealistic. i dont understand her constant need to force the kid to bed when she's obviously not tired. and then complain for months about it. she's doing more damage than good. but blames the xbf for it.
the staying up till 6am is because the xbf locked the kid in the room. the struggle they have putting her to bed, which she has discussed for the entire time she's been here, is because they're forcing the kid to go to bed before she's tired. either its too early, or the kid isnt getting enough exercise during the day.
I'm sorry, once again i made the mistake of posting. too frustrating for me, the changing stories, the feigning of ignorance, again, sorry lilagirl, i dont have patience for this.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Well, actually, Ken, she's been pretty clear that the sleep problems are often precipitated by her getting OVER-tired, getting to bed TOO late, then being wired and not going to sleep. Used to happen to my kids too - don't know why that should be, that over-tired kids can't sleep, when over-tired adults just pass out, but it's not unusual.
of course you live your life. why is it all or nothing with you?
I'm not sure, Ken. This feels pretty accusatory. Is there a reason for that. I'm not sure, simply because I never said it was all or nothing; I think you might be putting words in my mouth, and I don't like the direction this is going already.
Originally Posted By: KenF
but you continuously discuss how you're running everywhere, doing 20 things at once, then complain of being tired.
Actually, I only complain of being tired when I stay up all night with D. I've been surprisingly really energized by all I do.
Originally Posted By: KenF
that you dont have the time to get anything done.
That's fair, but I don't remember saying this. Or what I said that led you to believe this. I'm getting quite a lot done, quite honestly.
Originally Posted By: KenF
of course you're tired, of course things are falling through the cracks. you choose to do too much. and everything suffers. this is your choice.
and doing too much is a technique thats used to prevent themselves from dealing with the things that are hard. cant do the hard stuff because "i'm too busy, i just dont have the time", its a distraction, a procrastination technique
I've heard of this, but that doesn't apply to me. I'm a conscientious and introspective person; I think what you're talking about is someone trying to avoid by doing. I have plenty of still moments in my life and I look within and "check in" with my body, my emotions, a lot.
What am I procrastinating?
Originally Posted By: KenF
and now its the babysitter saying he's overwhelmed? why not say the truth from the beginning?
Wait. What? This feels accusatory again. I'm not sure what's happening here.
and kml, i'm a father, i understand why people put their kids to bed. i'm not an idiot. theres normal sleep schedules, and there unrealistic sleep schedules. i categorize hers as unrealistic. i dont understand her constant need to force the kid to bed when she's obviously not tired. and then complain for months about it. she's doing more damage than good. but blames the xbf for it.
the staying up till 6am is because the xbf locked the kid in the room. the struggle they have putting her to bed, which she has discussed for the entire time she's been here, is because they're forcing the kid to go to bed before she's tired. either its too early, or the kid isnt getting enough exercise during the day.
I'm sorry, once again i made the mistake of posting. too frustrating for me, the changing stories, the feigning of ignorance, again, sorry lilagirl, i dont have patience for this. [/quote]
