Thanks you for reply LITB. We do indeed both seem entrenched. Just before my birthday in June H was a bit down. That brought me down. I told him I found it hard to be all smiles and PMA and enjoying the good things when he is down. He said the same was true about me. I asked which came first the chicken or the egg and he laughed. It was a good chat and one of the times he has been more open.

I have not addressed all my issues but will try every day to make good choices. Since he is awol and I am in NC mode (very 180 for me) I am unsure what to do next apart from GAL. I am decorating mad at the moment. I have also applied for another job. I am tryin got be upbeat for myself and my girls.

I passed some urgent mail on via his sister tonight. I knew she would be at a school function so took it with me. She said she would pass it on. Last time I would probably have called him to discuss it so I guess I am learning the rules. It is soo hard though. I miss his voice, his smell, his touch and just being with him (just sobbing typing that cry). I am guessing to stay dark until he gets in touch with me for whatever reason?

I have spoken to my daughters' guidance teacher today and she will meet with them tomorrow. My D14 has some exams coming up in a few weeks and has already started to find things difficult. Guidance teacher noticed that D13 was unhappy looking and distant in class at the end of last week.

They have both said they do not want to text/speak to/see their dad yet as they are angry. Should I encourage them to make contact or not? I have done but said when they are ready. Is my letting them decide what to do reinforcing their anger? Or at their age are they apt to know what is best for them? I have tried not to show anger about my H but it is hard. At times I feel he does not love them enough to stay and work through our issues. I don't feel you should stay together for the kids, I feel you should make it work for the kids. But even of there were no kids involved I would still be here wanting to make my M work because I love my husband.


Feeling rubbish tonight as he would have been off shift tonight to come with me and DD to the school meeting about her upcoming skip trip and we would have been planning what to do on his day off tomorrow.