Kitti, I thought I posted to you but it must not have gone in. Judge Judy incident is typical. He can't see where everyone's happiness fits in to everyone else's happiness. If you are a martyr in a relationship you will ultimately resent it. If your attitudes lead to divorce that's REALLY not putting the children first. I liked your night Wednesday, you two were together doing what you each wanted. He sounds like he has a lot of inherited "absolutes". The world is in trouble because it has no absolutes; this type of all or nothing thinking in areas of personal discretion lead to dislike of absolutes altogether. This is not going to be easy or quick; it just may really be worth it. Quick and easy things seldom satisfy us anyway. Keep up the good work!
Brian Tracy - Eat That Frog - 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time
STEP 4 - CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES
Every man has become great, every successful man has succeeded, in proportion as he has confined his powers to one particular channel. - Orison Swett Marden
the mark of a the superior thinker is his or her ability to accurately predict the consequences of doing or not doing something.
dr edward banfield of harvard university, after more than fifty years of research, concluded that "long-time perspective" is the most accurate single predictor of upward social and economic mobility in america. long-time perspective turns out to be more important than family background, education, race, intelligence, connections, or vitually any other single factor in determining your success in life and at work.
•RULE: Long-term thinking improves short-term decision making
by definition, something that is important has long-term potential consequences. something this is unimportant has few or no long-term potential consequences. before starting on anything, you should always ask yourself, "what are the potential consequences of doing or not doing this task?"
•RULE: Future intent influences and often determines present actions
successful people are those who are willing to delay gratification and make sacrifices in the short term so that they can enjoy far greater rewards in the long term. unsuccessful people, on the other hand, think more about short-term pleasure and immediate gratification while giving little thought to the long-term future.
dennis waitley, a motivational speaker, says, "failures do what is tension relieving while winners do what is goal achieving."
motivation requires MOTIVE. the greater the positive potential impact that an action or behaivor of yours can have on your life, once you define it clearly, the more motivated you will be to overcome procrastination and get it done quickly.
the time is going to pass anyway. the only question is how you use it and where you are going to end up at the end of the weeks and months that pass.
ASSIGNMENT - EAT THAT FROG
review your lists of tasks, activities, and projects regularly. continually ask yourself, "which one project or activity, if i did it in an excellent and timely fashion, would have the greatest positive impact on my life?"
whatever it is that canhelp you themost, set it as a goal, make a plan to achieve it, and go to work on your plan immediately. remember the wonderful words of goethe, "just being and the mind grows heated; continue and that task will be completed"
blair - once again thank you for the visit to my thread...yes blair, you nailed it with my husbands world being full of absolutes. i haven't thought of that angel in a long time - so thanks for the reminder - after what i just posted on the whole quick and easy thing? nah, i am willing to wait this one out...long term thinking!!!
rachel - oh but when we get that revelation, oh how GOOD it feels to be in control of our OWN lives!!! you are on a roll rachel, keep it up!!!
I will Kitti, thanks. I'm gonna need moral support from my DBing friends. This is a major change for me, this giving up control of the R.
The thing I finally realized it...I don't have control at all! If I did, H would be home with me, right?
Thanks to Mattie and others on here, I realize I'm driving myself CRAZY with the way I've been dead set on trying to get things done MY WAY.
I need to step back, and take care of ME for once.
If I let go and he leaves, I can live with that.(sigh) Hopefully though he'll come back to me. He's never asked me for a D. I think he wants our M, but his thinking is messed up and I can't fix that.
He'll have to find his OWN way back to me. Rachael
I have to admit that I have NOT been doing the Eat That Frog homework assignments...but I have been doing the "Happy To Be Jan" dance and it feels pretty damn good. T2
jan - don't worry about the assignments, i am posting these here mainly for a reminder to myself, because i have only borrowed the book from the library, so this is to help me!!!! (and whoever else likes it!)
deb - HIYA girlfriend!!! YA YA
mal - that's just it mal, i haven't seen him in AGES, why he would show up in my dreams????
rachel - you are doing SO WELL rachel!!! congrats on you finding your way, i am doing the same thing and it feels DEVINE
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POSITIVES
1) weird conversation yesterday while i was driving the boys to charlotte...i was talking with my sister and she has been begging me for the last 3 months to come to california to help with her daughter who is getting major surgery and has 6 kids - she wants me to come for 4 weeks
she was laying a pretty hefty guilt trip on me, and luckily before it got too heated we lost connection. i sat there and cried for about 10 minutes, not knowing who in the world i could call to help me thru this. so i broke down and called my husband
i was still in tears and i told him, h, i just really need a friend right now, he said, k, i am here, i told you i was here for you, what happened. so i told him the story and he very calmly and very logically talked to me for about 30 minutes.
i wont bore you all with the details, but, he said "k, i will miss you and daughter terribly, but i think you should go" - he will miss me???? thru me for a loop!!!!
2) ate chicken wings and watched indiana jones last night, just had general fun together
3) he is not backing off my touches the last three days, which is nice - i have patience i can wait (oh, remind me of these words!!!)
Brian Tracy - Eat That Frog - 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time
STEP 5 - PRACTICE THE ABCDE METHOD CONTINUALLY
The first law of success is concentration, to bend all the energies to one point, and to go directly to that point, looking neither to the right nor to the left. - William Mathews
the abcde method is a powerful priority-setting technique that you can use every single day. this technique is so simple and effective that it can, all by itself, make you one of the most efficient and effective people in your field.
the power of this technique lies in it's simplicity. here's how it works. you start with a list of everything you have to do for the coming day. think on paper
you then place an a, b, c, d, or e before each item on your list before you begin the first task.
a is something that is very important that you MUST do or else face the serious consequences.
b is something that you SHOULD do but only has mild consequences. (never do a b task when there is an a task left undone)
c is something that would be NICE to do but for which there are no consequences at all, whether you do it or no.
d is something you delegate to someone else
e is something that you can eliminate all together
the key to making this method work is for you to now discipline yourself to start immediately on your a-1 task and stay at it until it is complete
ASSIGNMENT - EAT THAT FROG
review your work list right now and put an a, b, c, d, or e next to each task or activity. select your "a-1" job or project and begin working on it immediately. discipline yourself to do nothing else until this one job is complete.
practice this abcde method every day and on every work or project list, before you begin work, for the next month. by that time, you will have developed the habit of setting and working on your highest priority tasks and your future will be assured.
