It's time to let go part II

[keep_going]

Hi Rick,

I have read this last thread and completely empathize with you. It's so hard to be in this situation. I hope you find the support group helpful.

I also had anger issues in my marriage. I am now seeing a therapist that specializes in anger management and I am reading a lot - just got a couple of books recommended in forgiveness, which is a big issue for me.

You mentioned having been away from church for years. I was too, but am slowly coming back, like the prodigal son, it took losing everything for me to come back to God. People always tell me - have faith and let go - ask God to take over for me. It's hard, but I definitely feel like getting back to my roots is helping my healing process.
But it all takes time - my husband left 10 months ago and I can tell you that I feel better (or I should say, less sad) than when he left.

I have worked really hard at focusing on the positive things in my life. For once - my kids. I have 3 kids under the age of 4 and THEY NEED ME. Same with your daughter. Specially at this very difficult age for her. Focus on that and on enjoying every little moment with her. At first I was "acting as if", because I had absolutely no desire to smile or laugh with my kids. But now, I truly have great times with them. I use the stop sign technique to try to snap out of my sadness and really put my mind in the present moment with them. And I feel better about it, and they are doing better too.

Also focus on GAL - things for yourself. I bet you have heard it a million times, but it's true - it helps! And I am sure your W will notice. You have the advantage that she is still at home, so all your changes will be noticed faster by her. Think of that as a positive instead of thinking of the divorce process...

Finally, I had also come across the casual co-worker analogy. It helped me a lot. I always asked myself - how come H does not feel anything for me? After almost 20 years together? But if he sees me as a co-worker, then I can see how all the begging, peading, crying, etc. will just make him run away faster.

Anyways - thanks for posting on my thread, and don't dispair. Your situation seems like it's fairly new - (since june?) You probably have heard in these boards that it's not that long and this will take a long time. I am mentally prepared for a marathon that will probably last a long, long time, but I will be feeling better and better everyday. I can already start noticing small differences in my emotional state of mind. And this painful journey will end...