Okay. I'm starting to figure out how this blog works and will use this as my main thread because it has most of the info on my sitch.

I am doing my best to DB and it I find it so confusing and difficult.

Right now my W is still living at home with me and the kids, and staying dettached from us all, spending the bulk of her time in a room of her own.

She is in a full-blown EA and speaks to the OM (my cousin) around the clock. Many people are aware it is going on, including my sons, my MIL who lives with us and my cousin's brother. The anger towards my cousin is enormous, and many people are very upset with my W. The stress on me is enormous as I am in the middle of all this trying to help my wife, my sons and everyone around us. My cousin lives in another state so the distance has prevented a physical confrontation, and I have had to speak to my sons and my cousin's brother who have all at times wanted to harm my cousin. I understand that this EA is a symptom of the problem, not the cause, however it is massively painful to deal with.

My W is in a constant state of emotional upheaval and cannot seems to find answers to her current life crisis, which for her encompasses her entire life situation, not just our M. She is seeing a psychiatrist and I cannot really tell if it helps or not.

What she has asked for is for time to stop the train she has been on for years. She wants to evaluate her entire life, evaluate her choices and non-choices over her life, learn to grow up, decide who she really is and then hopefully live her life happily. She has asked that when we she does decide to share things with me she just wants to me to hear her, listen, go away and think about it before presenting my opinion. She has said she has been extremely unhappy for years.

As for our M she has said that she has been unhappy in it for years, married too early, never did the things most people did to mature on her own (moved in with me at 19), never really was able to reconcile her inner most feelings (if she even knew what they were) with her outer life. She has said she feels we are incompatible, and do not bring out the best in each other. She has said she felt that she could not rely on me.

What I am having a lot of difficulty with is that she will give exampes to back these feelings up and when I hear them, I know that she feels this way, but I feel she is misreading each example as far as it relates to what I was doing, feeling, intent, etc. I can't explain how amazed I am by our differing perceptions of the same incidents.

I am letting her talk when she wants, not doing all of the pursuing actions (and I did them all at first), not being confrontational about the EA (and that is unbearably tough for me), GAL of my own, being as pleasant as I can, etc.

I am not sure if I can see any small changes in favor of our marriage. She is still with me however. I worry that the more I DB and let her go, the more she will continue the EA. I worry that if I keep letting her talk about her bad feelings in our marriage, and not be willing to discuss both views of the issues then she will continue to accept her feelings as the Truth about us and will not be willing to reconcile. I worry that she is only staying in our house for economic reasons. I worry that I am being used while she continues the EA.

So I go about my days, I listen to her, I give her space and freedom, I take care of the house (I'm doing this alone), I take care of the kids (I've been Mr Mom since this started). It's not easy. I have been told by so many that while they respect my ability to honor my love and marriage to her by staying, that I am just being a dumbass and should kick her out for good (my sons feel this way too).

I know this sounds like any country song you could lsiten to (poor old me) but I really do not know what the right course to take is. By heart tells me to give this time (its already been six months) until it plays out. I do want us to reconcile. I can work on this with her even with the EA, but I would draw the line if there is a PA.

I plan to not confront her with my opinions and views when she is choosing to share her feelings with me. I hope this works within the realm of DB'ing.

As time passes however, I am starting to forget what it was like to live with her as H/W. I'm starting to long for some peace, and have started visualizing living without her. I figure I have to start mentally and emotionally preparing for this in case it happens.

Any thoughts from you great people out there? Any advice? Thanks so much!!!