Trying to make it to the bye week

[MadeToSucceed]

So we went back and forth a couple of times before finally agreeing on a number. Then she wanted to stretch it out over 4 payments. This frustrated me because I know she continues to spend money on trips to see OM but somehow wants things to draw out. We ultimately agreed on 2 payments and she wanted it all done so bad, we signed something called a Mediated Settlement Agreement. It lays out the terms agreed upon in mediation and is binding (since the mediator was a retired judge she has the authority to "divorce" us but the final decree still has to be typed up. When it is, it will be dated from the date of mediation.

So that's it. My M is basically over. There were a few things of hers I still have that I have to send her L. There were a few things of mine she found at the house and she has to deliver to me.

That night I dropped my father off at my apt and picked up my mother and immediately went to church. It was the last night of our revival at church and I just NEEDED to be there. I didn't break down once during the mediation day. We were there for almost 5 hours and I held it together the entire time. I had anxiety before but after reading some of the words shared on here for me prior to and after praying, I felt at peace when I went into mediation. So when I sat down in my seat at church a song came on that I'd never heard and the words went like this:

There are some things in my life I had to go through. Things I couldn't understand. I asked the Lord why is this happening to me. I could not see the Lord was preparing me to receive what He has for me. It wasn't bad for me. He was working it out in my favor.

That brought all of the emotion out of me. All the pain and anger and sorrow. A flood of tears just kept pouring down my face and I began to see I had to look for the good in my situation and press on. Another confirmation that I'm going to be ok.

Wednesday night I didn't sleep well it all. It was all so surreal. I wasn't M anymore.