New and confused!! Need your thoughts...

[FreeBird0120]

New update:
Sorry if this is a repeat as I can't remember if I already wrote about this update, and my posts aren't put up right away...

We talked Sunday afternoon after he'd text me and told me he missed his best friend and felt like he was pushing himself on me too hard. I told him that we should talk about it more when he got home, so we did.

He said he couldn't explain it, but that he felt drawn to me. He said he's watched me doing all these things (which I think are all of my 180's and GALing) and that he's so happy and proud of me, but that he was a little jealous because these were things he'd wanted from me all along, but I didn't do them for him. He said that he misses me and that he doesn't want to yoyo me, but that he just feels like he can't get enough of me. He said that he wishes he could touch me all the time and hug me all the time, but the few times he has he's gotten scared because he's not sure if he's pushing too hard. He said he's not trying to confuse me, but that he's confused as well.

The OW never came up in conversation, but he had told me that he has a hard time having people mad, hurt or upset with him or having ill will towards him. I think that might be why he hasn't been able to let either one of us go. He asked if he could sit closer to me and when he did I leaned into him and it felt so right as he held me. We kissed a lot and held eachother a lot, and eventually became intimate. It was so beautiful. And again last night we became intimate again.

He is willing to kiss and hug me, and make love to me, but I still have a feeling he's torn about it. I don't think his EA has become a PA yet, but I have a feeling he's still talking to her via text and while they're at work, and possibly on their phones. I have vowed that I am not going to look at our phone bill anymore as it just hurts. I also vowed never to bring up her name again as 1)it has given her way too much power, and 2)He just gets defensive and it pushes him away from me. He has maintained that they are just friends, so I am really trying to trust him with this.

What do you guys think??