Trying to make it to the bye week

[MadeToSucceed]

Thank you all for the kind words of encouragement. As you can see I've been away from the last week trying to process things and figure out what my "next step" is.

Last Wednesday was tough. No way around that. We went to mediation. My father came with me and my L. Her father and "assistant" were with her and her L in the other room.

The mediator was a former judge in family court and was extremely nice. She gave me the opportunity to share my story about our M and how we got to the point we were. She ultimately shared the same sentiment many here do: it's sad that my W doesn't see what she is doing and giving up. She surmised that my W was reacting emotionally and allowing others to get into her head. The mediator ultimately told me there is nothing I can do to stop my D and that I have to make sure I protect myself and take care of me so that I can begin healing.

The purpose of the mediation was to settle our assets so going in to the day, my W's L expressed that their stance was I should have nothing but my vehicle. My stance was and essentially always has been I want my W. Plain and simple. That being said, I can't do anything BUT accept (not agree with) her decision and allow the law to run it's course to that effect meaning I'd be entitled to my half of what was once considered "ours." My W wasn't too fond of that obviously. My W and her L were very unprepared for the mediation. They didn't provide detailed records of bank statements since I've been closed off from accounts in June. They seemingly pretended like money wasn't still coming in, etc. When the mediator told them that it didn't look like we had enough information with the financial records to get everything taken care of today they decided they'd just rather settle on a dollar amount and "be done with it."

Then, right before my eyes, the dissolving of my M became a numbers game. Literally a negotiation on numbers. The mediator essentially informed them that it wouldn't be favorable for them to go to trial given the fault of the M with respect to the adultery so I guess my W became in a hurry to settle. When the first number was thrown out there, it was obviously much more than I was seeking but as in any negotiation you have to start from somewhere to work to where you're comfortable. The mediator returned saying my W was requesting to speak to me alone. I granted the request and it was an interesting conversation to say the least.