What was I an idiot? Of course there's an OM...

[Rick1963]

WHG not sure if this will help but I will post it anyway. it takes alot of energy into committing suicide, not that you should not be concerned. Here are some things to look for. Are there means to be worried about, such as pills to od with, weapons. has she talked about a specific plan, date, time etc. has she ever attempted it before or has one of her family memebrs done it. if so she is at a higher risk. has she been giving away prized possessions, written a note, this one is importatnt> has she researched the best way on how to do it? The last thing is that when someone is serious about suicide they will snapp out of their depression and be happy they have a sense of accomplishment. Hang in there

[workinghardguy]

Thanks Rick... I've watching for the signs. It's still scary, though I don't believe she has gone so far as the plan. The problem is that she's a registered nurse. She knows exactly what to say or not and exactly what people will be looking for. She's already told me that if she wanted to hide it from me she would and could.

While we're still together I have enough access to her that I feel I can make a good effort at monitoring her and supporting her. It's should we split up that I worry. But ultimately these are her choices; I can't feel responsible for them.

[Rick1963]

"She's already told me that if she wanted to hide it from me she would and could.

That^^^^^^^^^is pure manipulation, don't buy it. Like I said it takes lots of energy and the signs will be there. The stats say that 95% of those who attempt/complete are mentally ill at the time of the act. The other 5% we just don't know. Just keep an eye for severe depression, increase alcohol use and or a change to happiness. Hang in there

[workinghardguy]

You mean like severe depression and binge drinking every weekend? Yeah... we're already there

I think giving her space has helped. She's profoundly sad about our sitch, life, whatever. My greatest concern is when the gig is up this summer. When she has to actually push for a D and when we tell the kids and see the pain and anguish it causes them. That's my greatest fear... that she is going to see all of that and it will cause some type of psychic break for her. But time will tell... there is really little I can do but monitor and hope.

[Rick1963]

WHG it is October? June is ways off millions of good things can happen. Besides the Mayan calendar says the world will end on or about May 2012.

[sandi2]

(WHG) No problem. I know I speak too bluntly for most folks on here.

[workinghardguy]

Which is an irony... because one of my W's complaints about me is that I speak too bluntly and it pisses people off

[rickb89]

JustStunned - I really like the advice you gave on 10/17! Makes so much sense.

[rickb89]

Sandi2 - you're reply on 10/22 was very insightful!

[workinghardguy]

Ok... Any suggestions? So I'm all Mr. Detached today. Proud of myself for probably implementing DB stuff the right way for the first time. It's hard but going ok, I'll post moremon that later.

Then my w comes downstairs and asks me to come out to the room she's in. I do it. She's wearing her halloween outfit. It's a nice outfit. Not slutty or trampy, but she looks good. A woman any man would be proud to have on his arm and most would be thrilled to have.

And I lose all my composure. I literally am back in the bathroom avoiding her right now because I don't want to backslide or show emotion (benefit of stomach flu, no one questions quick bathroom trips) .

It seems I can do this ok until I see her a) gussied up, b) naked or semi-naked, or c) in a really nice outfit. It's got to be the sex and hormones thing that triggers it, but I can't seem to control it. I try to avoid it but when you're living together and share a bed/bedroom... Well, it happens.

Ok... I think I have myself pulled together now. Here's hoping she back to running pants and baggy sweatshirts when I get out there.