Sent W an e-mail last night asking her for available dates to meet with the mediator. She replied that she would have to check her work calendar and get back to me, then said: "I'm sorry for all of the pain I have caused everyone."
I replied: "I know. I'm sorry about everything that led up to this."
W: "Me, too."
M: "It's hard to believe we are here. How did this happen?"
W: "I didn't trust you with my heart, and didn't feel safe to give myself to you."
I wasn't prepared for that, although those were the reasons she gave when she dropped the bomb in March.
I realized she was throwing the burden of problems on me.
M: "I'm sorry you felt that way throughout our marriage. I wish we could have addressed this years ago."
W: "I know."
And that was it. I sat at my desk and stared at the screen, and thought about everything that had happened in the last 8 months. The finality of a divorce is starting to settle in. I do not see any desire on her part to try to work at this, and I cannot subject myself to letting her hurt me any more.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
