Don't know what I'm doing. My W emailed me to say let me know when I'm back from overseas, thanks. I called her yesterday to tell her I was home and see what she wanted. She texted back saying because our last conversation was too hard on both of us, she would rather communicate by email. WTF.....she wants this, yet she cries and it's hard on her. I don't know what to do or how I can engage her or talk. Email is not going to solve anything.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
My W texted me today and said she knows I am still fighting for her and our M, but I need to move on and put this past me. She also made a point of saying she couldn't go back as I would always be insecure and living in fear that she would walk out again. Not sure what to say to that. She is probably right, but I know with time, patience and effort I could get over it and trust her again. I haven't responded, not sure what to say or do with this one. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
Cam, I really can empathize with what you are feeling, but it is a myth. Your W, my W, the other WAS's have all divorced us emotionally. They have moved on.
I would not respond at all. Your W has made her intentions very clear.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Leave it alone Cam, nothing good can come of it. By ignoring it you don't a) pursue and thus validate for her that she needs to leave because you can't and b) pull up all that stuff inside of you.
Ignore it... maybe she ends up thinking, why doesn't he care? why isn't he responding? Won't make a big difference but it's the small steps.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
I agree with the others, Cam. Leave it alone. Besides, would you really want to go back and live in constant fear? That's not living! In reality, she may be looking for validation. A little mystery may not be a bad thing.
I'd get the urge to have OR talks with my W. It was this STRONG need to engage, even though I knew it probably wouldn't go well. I never really understood where it came from. Maybe fear - any interaction (even a bad one) seemed to indicate she hadn't toally given up. It was the hardest part. I don't think as quickly on my feet when talking with my W (ironically, this is sort of my job and I'm good at it at work) and there was too much emotion coming through. Rationally, I knew I shouldn't engage unless it was going to be a step forward. Slowly, the need to start these train wrecks of a conversation got less and less intense and I found that she would start coming to me to talk and when she did most of the conversations went better. I was probably stronger then, and come off better....seems to put her at ease. What am I saying....I guess fewer, shorter, less intense interactions are usually better at first. Easy to say, I know.
