Don't know if i did something 'wrong' but I tried to follow your advice Brookie, and my kids are still very very estranged, especially my youngest who was 18 when it happened.
But my xh did do and say some terrible things. I did not condemn him, but equally I did not trivialize them, which I think was right. My kids have said that my holding it together and being real was very important for them . . . . still i wish relationships were better for everyone's sake.
Example of awful thing was my xh ringing up his youngest on his 21st and screaming abuse at him until son put the phone down . . . . . There are many others but i have tried to forget them. this one sticks in my mind though.
