I have been reading this exchange with great interest. I can totally relate to much of what has been written. I have asked many of these questions myself at various times in my life. My mother was a very capable woman who did much of what needed to be done around the house when I was a girl, so my sister and I grew up thinking this was normal. I don't think I am physically capable of feigning helplessness, although there certainly ARE times when I AM genuinely helpless (for example, I've never changed a car tire).
I was particularly interested in what AJM said about how his female friend gives off a "certain vibe" that probably keeps men from approaching her. Antonia, beatrice, and kml does this apply to you too? I think I have been guilty of this for many years and I think it became worse after I worked in management positions for several years. I find that when I am fatigued or pressed for time I can become quite direct, in the same way that I am with an employee who is taking extra long to grasp something. In addition, I know of at least a few occasions in which I was totally clueless that men were interested in me.
Antonia, as a former university faculty member myself, I think that many times when I told people (men and women who did NOT work in a university setting) what I did for work, they didn't know how to respond because most people don't really know what that entails. There are few sitcoms, or movies, or popular books written about university professors because most people wouldn't find writing books or research grants all day very exciting. Most faculty members have fairly specialized areas of expertise so it can be difficult to engage the average person in a conversation about what that work is.
Antonia, I took a suggestion you made last week about looking ta various meet-up groups for divorced/separated people. (AJM, your post confirmed this as a viable option, so thanks!) I got off my arse and went to a happy hour meet-up for divorced/separated people. I met some nice people and will probably return again. I found it interesting that one of the people there referred to one of the larger meet-up groups for single people as a "meat market", so I think that we just need to screen which meet-ups we want to invest time in. At present, my plan is to do more of this sort of thing. I met XH through online dating and my sense from THAT online dating experience is that many people online (not all people) are either looking to "hook up" $exually or are primed to jump into an exclusive committed dating/sexual R. I guess that I would like to be able to get to know someone in a setting in which they are not putting on an act to impress me............Those are my thoughts this week, but of course they may change in the future...........
