I'm with you on that too Rick. I get in such a hurry to get things going, that if I have to wait on anybody or anything, I get pissy and then my W would complain that I'm complaining that things are taking too long. I gotta work on that too. I hate patience, probably because I don't have any.
Me36, W38 S12, S3 T20, M4 Bomb dropped 8/18/11 Moved out 8/18/11 Filed for D 10/20/11 OM Confirmed 11/5/11
I agree with Val. You have made alot of progress, just by recognizing things you want to work on about yourself. That is why, like JBNATI always says, in many ways, WE, the LBS are actually better off in the long run. WE grow, WE learn. Many times the WAS does not acknowledge their issues, and take them into another R.
I always wonder what my W is thinking. She certainly seems happy sometimes....(living with her is SO hard!!!! knowing there is someone else....she's out with OW RIGHT NOW) But I just don't know what's on their minds. Do they see the effect it has on the kids? Do they care? Are they so amped up on hope for a change that they have blinders? And the most important question: WHY do WE care what THEY think? but we do.....
Rick, keep focusing more and more energy on YOU and D and less and less on W and whatever the H she is thinking....:) We're still pulling for you. Vent and vent some more!!
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
Thanks Val and IS your thoughts means Alot to me. Just got home from my 1st divorce care group. Very religious oriented maybe that is what I needed. They had a speaker talking about being single and haPpy. He talked about the same pain we are going through Which brought tears. There were six of us all at different stages. We had a 10 minute break and talked to two females one stI'll M the other D and her H M OW last week. She said she was very hurt. Tonites group dealt with dealing with a new R after the D so I was not into it. The females asked me about my stick. Told them about my angry outburst one said maybe I said something really bad and hurt W's feelings. No Kidding. I think that the more I shame myself the less llikely I'm to ever get that angry againM. Really I Rather letH crapp roll off my Back.
PS: I was wondering about 25? I hope she is on a much deserved vacation. I miss her 2x4s
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
As we all know 25 is a lawyer. She tends to go on hiatus every once and awhile for cases. I don't know if that's the sitch though. She usually gives notice.
I'm sure she's fine.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Rick, I hope your Divorce Care group was beneficial. It at least sounds like it was.
When I first started this journey, I would've have given anything to be in limbo because my W was on the D express train. Because of that, now I am thankful for being in limbo. I now have more time to work on myself and DB. Hopefully it's the same for you. Take advantage of the gift of time you've been given.
I've posted this to others - maybe God is trying to teach you patience. You definitely don't want to run too fast, and ultimately end up in a worse situation. This is especially true if there is a legitimate shot getting to a better place than you've even been - IF you go at the right pace.
Hey rick, Glad you got something from the meeting. Your group must be about a week ahead of ours, since divorce care is an organized program, I think the topic for our next meeting is "lonliness", which would be very appropriate.
Last nights topic was depression, very good video and good discussion. Came at a great time for me.
I agree with JB, even though you are in limbo, the one positive about it is that you can still interact with s and she can observe that you are working on your issues. I think this is a good advantage, if you can balance the seeing her everyday thing and keeping your composure even when you dont feel like it.
Hope you are having a good day, at least its sunny, good day for a walk, talk soon buddy
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
The group was a mixed bagg for me. There were 3 man and 3 women. it was more like a lecture than a support group. I will be patient and see if I like it and if it benefits me. It was kind of depressing to sit there but I haven't been to chruch in years. I have been thinking for a few years that I should go back to church, well this sitch pushed me to do it. Next Monday the have a lady presenting who completed the program and reconciled.
JB definetly God is trying to teach me something. I had a feeling way back that something about me needed changing and that something wrong was going to happen. I have not had a credit card since 1994. At the beggining of the year I got one.I was thinking if W left me I have no credit? Wonder if it was a self fulfilling prophecy?
The last thing is that W I think is regressing. She has acted at times like a 5 year old. This morning I asked if she had any ideas what happend to the spoons. There were only 2 when we had dozens. She said 'dunno" and made some weird noise. I D last weekd the same she said "why is everyone asking me". crazy stuff
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Hey Rick, Interesting about the feeling that you had about something needing changing. Before she left, w and I were talking about how I used to say this all the time. My family is very, very dysfunctional, bros are all active alcoholics or in recovery, both parents alchos, one in recovery, etc, etc, one bro is clinically depressed. I was always the "rock" of the family, stable, employed, the go to guy. But I always had this feeling in the back of my mind that my time was coming, and that something was going to happen that would force me to develop my faith.
Well, little did I know it would be this year,and in this unexpected way. So, Rick, you are not alone in this either, another similarity for us.
My c told me last week that my sp is emotionally locked in age 15-16, which is the age her abuse issues took place. No surprise that your s may be regressing emotionally as this progresses.
Hang in there with the group, if it is anything like mine, the membership fluctuates from week to week, new people pop in all the time.
Hang in there, Gunny
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
