lc4 - thanks for stopping by, and thanks for the words of encouragement. Things are tough right now. Mostly because I'm still having trouble detaching. I'm finally getting a clue that I really, really need to step back from my H and focus on myself, because when I don't I just spiral into a negative vortex that continues to make things worse. I know it's not exactly a newsflash, but I've learned the hard way that continuing to do the same old behaviors over and over again with your H (as you mentioned in your post), is just doing more harm than good, and while I of course know this intellectually, I still struggle significantly with implementation each and every day!
I know I've been saying I need to detach, detach, detach, but it wasn't really until this past week that I truly see how ANY interactions with my H right now, while I am still SO angry, are just doing more and more damage. I am hoping that going as dark as I can (with minimal interactions about the kids) will help me get a handle on my emotions and help me turn things around somewhat. I swear, lc4, I think I've done more damage to my marriage in the past 8 weeks or so than ever. Not to say he's perfect -- he's having an affair, for goodness sake -- but my ability to control, or not control, my emotions when I am talking with him has made things much, much worse.
I have regret about that, but am hopeful that now I can get a grip on myself, for ME, and then begin to slowly re-engage with him once I am calmer and more rational. Because this crazy girl I've turned into is clearly NOT someone I would even want to be married to. Ugh.
I'm so glad to know you have found your way in your marriage. Your story truly gives me hope. My problem, of course, is this damn affair. If only he would give her up, I believe he'd begin to soften towards me. But I know that right now, he seems incapable of being able to get rid of her -- affair ADDICTION! -- and so I am trying desperately to learn to work around the situation. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I've had to deal with some hard stuff in my day.
In any event, thanks for the "pep talk", and good luck with your piecing. I'll be waiting for updates!
