A lot of this sounds way so familar ... so let me mention something that worked for me in breaking thru with some touching barriers...
I had asked for permission to hold her hand from time to time while we sit together even if she was distant and that from time to time I'd give her a gentle squeeze to let her know I'm here for her. At times, she even started to look for it.
Oh and one other ... whenever it seemed she was having a rough time for whatever reason, I would give her a backrub. That also seemed to calm and settle her down.
