GALing and Boundaries with XH

[AntoniaB]

Hey Beatrice, I was thinking the same thing too...that when I'm really ready, the opportunity will probably just fall into my lap...I still have a lot of work to do writing this book, and part of me does think that this is God's or the universe's or "whatever's" way of saying that the book is the most important part of my life right now and so nothing has transpired because being distracted might not help. I have enough finished now and am tied to it emotionally enough that I actually feel a sense of urgency that I finish, which sounds odd, but there was a time when I really thought it didn't matter if I quit and broke my contract.

kml thanks for the music links; I will definitely check them out! I probably could just put education on my profile instead of college prof. It's not a lie...it's just not specific. Like putting "health professional" down might sound less intimidating than "physician." But then again, if I can't be up front, because it scares a guy, then that's probably not the kind of guy I want in my life anyway. My XH always felt "lesser" than me because he was "just a lowly hs teacher" (HIS WORDS, not mine) I always made less than he did (My college is really tiny, private, and my starting salary in 1999 was 27k, if you can believe that). I think to some extent that my XH choosing a very young OW who taught the same subject as me but who taught in his hs says a lot...clearly in terms of work experience, she and I do a lot of the same thing, teach a lot of the same material...in fact, a former student of hers who became my advisee when he came to my college told me that a poster by John Waterhouse in my office was in HER room. But she's on my XH's "level". And yes, this is his problem, not mine. But it's sort of making me think that any guy who is too scared to talk to me on eharmony for this reason is only going to be a guy who later has issues with feelings of inadequacy.

But anyway, AJM, thanks for the advice about meetup groups. My meditation group is a meetup group, and there are men in it, but they're all married, long-term. But I have really enjoyed getting to know them, which has helped me learn how to talk to men in general. I think being married so long I never really talked to men unless I "had" to at work! And of course any day a new single guy could join us. So perhaps what I should do is look around for other meetup groups that might be interesting to me.

When I say I don't get hit on, that may have to do with where I am going in addition to any vibe I'm giving off. I tend to go to this one more "classy" restaurant/bar (classy for DE is probably lowbrow for people in other states, lol) and the clientele, while my age and up, is generally coupled up already.

I have avoided the "meat market" bars, I guess for 2 reasons: I don't want to feel objectified by leering guys undressing me with their eyes, which is what everyone I know says will happen if I go to places like that, and also, I'm kind of afraid that if that does NOT happen, it will shoot my self-esteem WAY down. Isn't that crazy? I don't want to get hit on, but then if I don't it will validate my feelings of invisibility, ha ha.

But the meetup groups sound like the way to go.

And if you're ever in DE, AJM, I'll do shots with you, except I choose vodka ;-)