Punches??What punches?

[Redo]

Journaling....
I find my updates becoming less frequent. Part of the growing process i guess. But i also find myself sinking again into depression. Fell off the wagon on my exercise. Need to get my life back again...

I wonder if all my dull feeling of last week was a harbinger of things to come. Just heard from my dad that my Aunt passed away. It has been less than a year that my grandfather passed away. She was his primary caregiver.

Feeling a little numb and guilty. Guilty because I am not overcome with this sudden emotional loss that i should have felt after learning about death. She was such a nice woman. She was the thread that keeps my dad's side of the family together. I knew my mom's side more than my dad's side. I only came to know her better a decade ago. And liked her more after knowing her more. So why dont i feel this loss?? I know for a fact that if my mom's sister passed away (my other aunt), I would have lost it...

Numb because i never took time to get to know my own family. I was so caught up living life and struggling with just being able to live harmoniously with my wife that i let all relationships with my family take a backseat. It was easier as they were also 6000 miles away.

Sometimes i wonder if all this is worth it...staying so far away from your loved ones. But i do have a loved one now. My daughter. And i love her more than anyone else. So how do i weigh the choices?, staying close to my family but far from my daughter or vice versa. It is hard.

Our lives are so fragile. One tiny bump by fate and we are gone for ever. Yet our ego is so strong we succumb ourselves to its machinations...

Okay, stopping before i ramble too much.