W and I ate dinner last night alone as D was on a school trip. Pretty weird time. This morning she tells me she is going to a horse show early as she is competing and that D does not want to go. I asked what kind of horse was it, she said "the horse show kind". So I STFU and said have a great day and good luck. There has been no crack in the iceberg. Been thinking why do I stay with someone who does not love me or wants to be with me. And I don't have an answer but I'm getting tired of the rejection. Yeap I have screwed up during our M but I have also been a good H and father most of the time. W still does cook breakfast and dinner, buys stuff that I like but I don't understand why she tells me where she is going? She does not need my permission and I don't need hers. In 3 weeks we go to court and don't know what to expect. I have said nothing about it. I guess we will see.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
W came home with many trophies and medals. She looked so happy while I am depressed as he'll. How does one become a WAS? That is what needs to happen to me. I think I'm getting close to being one.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
TM I want to save my M just not the old one. I have made many mistakes but it wasn't just my actions. W has been distant for 2 years and I grew resentful. I just was not aware what was happening. Do I want to remain in such a M? I don't know. If she said she wanted to stay in the R. I would have to accept alot of things and be ok with them. That is the confusing part. I know I have lots of working on me to do still. Will continue the work because I don't want to be who I became. I like many others depended on our Ws, M, and R to make us happy. That was a mistake on my part. So if she wanted to stay I would have to be very sure that I will not resent her not wanting to spend time with me and be ok with her spending most of her free time at the barn or competing in horse shows. But W has not shown any change of heart and is full steam ahead with the D.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick, Reading your new thread. I know the feelings you are going through, man this [censored]!! It will end someday, you coming up on your date is like waiting for execution day. But, having just gone through something similar, there is something of a relief when the day finally gets here, the anticipation is sometimes the worst part, maybe.
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Thanks Gunny I know you know how it feels. The WAS at work came to talk to me and said it has been 3 weeks since she moved into her own apartment with her S2. She said she is no longer stressed, anxious, has lost weight and feels pretty good. She said she found out that her H is abusing pills and that he is not getting any help. She actually looked happy. She also said her H is saying mushy things and she said she can't stand it. I wondered if my W will feel the same if we separate? My W did say when our stich started that it was going to be hard living without me. Interesting when looking at a WAS from the from the outside.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Hey rick, Wondering what my s is thinking even now is on my mind. Sometimes we may think that their new life is rosy and happy, but the reality is probably very different, as some people on this board have stated. They are in many ways going through their own private torture.
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
I know from friends that my W is going through some of the same things that I am. I know she doesn't sleep well (often only 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night), that she thinks about our sitch all day while at work, and she is unhappy/depressed because of our sitch. While I feel the same as my W, I unfortunately feel much worse because I see it as her doing this to me. While it may seem wrong, I'm glad my W is as unhappy as I am--it gives me a little bit of hope that we may be able to fix our problems and I guess the way I look at it, if you're unhappy being apart and you think that you were unhappy together, then why not try being happy together again? At least then you would have your spouse to lean on to help make us both happy. But then again, maybe I'm just rambling.
Me36, W38 S12, S3 T20, M4 Bomb dropped 8/18/11 Moved out 8/18/11 Filed for D 10/20/11 OM Confirmed 11/5/11
Hey Gunny I wonder what our WAW are thinking also. Maybe they are not thinking at all.
Rambling
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
When I saw this I thought of the uncoditional love that we need to have towars our WAS and children.
This journey has been the most painful experience ever. The one thing that I need the most is patience. That is something I never had. Always rushing to get things done/accomplished and getting pissed if it took longer than I thought it should. W complained about that. So now I have no choice but to change that. That will be a good change even at work. But sitting at home in limbo just waiting to see what happens next is new to me.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick, I know it feels like limbo.. because like you said.. you wanna get something accomplished/done whether it's D or recon.
By definition limbo means: an uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution; an intermediate state or condition.
But you HAVE made decisions and resolutions. You have chosen to move forward on becoming the best Rick possible. That my friend.. is not limbo.. that's progress.
Try to focus on that vs the waiting. It will make the burden of patience much easier to carry.
((()))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
