What was I an idiot? Of course there's an OM...

[workinghardguy]

Journaling... not too much to say today. Not sure what the end of today was about, but I'm realizing I don't think I care all that much.

Went to church this morning with my S. Good service and he had a good time, he really does love church. W texted me during service about wanting to change plans so she could go Halloween shopping. Whatever, I didn't realize there were plans so it was fine. She was very apologetic and didn't want me to feel she was "bailing" on me. Weird. Then while she was out she kept sending me text messages about halloween costumes for the kids. ok.

S and I got home and chilled after yesterday's marathon. Watched the Packer game and did some volunteer work. Took S to the park and we played some cards. Midway through the Packer game my W gets home. She didn't seem like she was in a very good mood, but I chalked that up to getting home. Whatever, her problem not mine. She took a nap and then went and picked up SS and SD.

She got home and went to the back room to watch a movie and fold clothes (Packer game was still on). I checked over SS and SD homework. Asked W what she wanted to do for supper and showed her what I had picked up during the grocery trip. She said she wasn't that hungry, but then was sure to add in that what I had picked up looked pretty good... almost like she didn't want me to feel insulted. Again, weird.

I grilled up supper and her and S watched a movie while eating supper. I watched the rest of the game. SS and SD ended up watching movie too while I cleaned up supper and watched the game. Had a few interactions with W and she was ok with me, but just owly and grumpy overall. But not grumpy and owly with me... again, weird.

At one point, when we were alone, I asked her if everything was ok. She said she was fine. I told her she seemed upset, she said she was ok. So I dropped it. C said give her two chances to talk about what's bothering her and then back off (due to the depression and death statements I do check in when she's acting very sad). And then just now she went to bed without saying good night or telling me she was heading to bed. First time she's done that in about a week.

But... I find myself sitting here not really caring all that much. In the past I would be crawling the walls wondering what spun her up. Was it something I did? something I didn't do? Something she thinks I did?

Now... whatever, her issue. I offered her a chance to talk and she said no. I offered her a second chance and she said no again. Ok, I get it, have fun with whatever crawled up your backside and made a home there.

The funny part is I really can't think of a single thing today that I did that would have tripped her trigger. C'est la vie.

Ah yes, one other oddity from last night. While we sat together on the couch she suddenly mentions my birthday next month. How it's the 11-11-11 birthday (she's big into numbers, her birthday is 6-6, we were married 9-9, our kids' birthdays are 13, 14, and 15 days of the month). Guess I hadn't realized that. Then she goes on to say that, by scheduling happenstance, she has the entire weekend off. But that's all she says. So I'm trying to figure out what the he!! that means.

At first I thought maybe she was hinting we should do something together... but I can't imagine that. Then today I thought perhaps she's trying to say that I should feel free to go out or go do something because she's going to be around. Not sure if I should just outright ask what she meant or just plan a birthday without her. This is the part that makes my head hurt.