new to this..

[workinghardguy]

Learning... you're confusion isn't unusual, I struggled with the same confusion. What you need to realize is that much of what DR suggests doesn't apply when you're in Last Resort Technique land. LRT is when you're spouse is out the door or ready to go out the door.

However, the LRT stuff and the other DR strategies don't necessarily work great together, at least not at first.

As far as the depression thing goes, I can feel for you, I'm in the same boat. The suggestions I've received from my counselors are to simply say, once, "I'm sorry you feel so down. If you need someone to talk to you can talk to me. I'm not expecting you to or demanding it, just offering. If you ever need it just let me know."

Outside of that you can't do much else. He has to take responsbility to make himself better. You can't force him into treatment, you can't make his appointments, you can't really do anything. If he starts to threaten self-harm or talks about suicidal ideations then you need to take him to the nearest ER or call the police. But other than that you don't get to try and make him better, mainly because you can't.