Me - 35 H - 38 together 18 years (since 16 and 19) married 15 years two daughters 15 and 13 H left home for 2 weeks Nov 09 H wants to leave again but stays Feb 11 H left home ILYBINILWY Oct 11
I am in a terrible mess and I feel like it is pretty much my own fault. This might be a long post so please bear with me. Almost 2 years ago my husband walked out one afternoon. He gave just the one reason - that he didn't love me anymore. I did all the classic wrong things, I cried begged, made him feel guilty over leaving our two wonderful girls although at the time I just thought I was trying to make him see sense. He returned 2 weeks later just a day or so after saying he did not want too. He saw his GP and went on medication for depression. Things were rocky for a while. I was clingy, needy and constantly looking for reassurance. After that it seems to become a roller coaster with great highs and terrible lows. About a year ago I had a moment of insaneness and voiced doubts about my commitment to our relationship which I instantly realised was not true. It was more that I felt I might get out before he hurt me again if that makes sense? He was gutted to hear. I could see that physically affect him. He said he thought he would never hear that from me. Things were a bit better until Feb this year when he said he wanted to leave again. This time he didn't and at this point I should have got to grips on our marriage but didn't. Things were up and down again but far more up for me personally as I was forgetting the hurt of in initial bomb. A couple of months ago we had a weekend away just the two of us for the first time ever. It was great. We held hands and had a great time. On our return we booked a two week trip away for next summer. He went away for a week walking with friends then me and the girls picked him up and we all went on holiday together. I thought he did not act thrilled to see me and I acted a bit cool I guess to save my feelings. The middle part of or holiday was great. We were intimate and had fun. We had an argument on the last night as he appeared to hide his phone from me when I came into the room. He has said to me before about my paranoia. We made up later and left to come home after him saying he had had a great holiday and giving me a hug. Then on Sunday my life fell apart. He said he wanted to leave again - I love you but I'm not in love with you /more like friends/ he wants exciting/ not sure who he is etc. He says I am jealous, clingy, controlling etc He mentioned he does not want to turn out like his dad, an abusive alcoholic. His mum and dad divorced and he has had no contact with his dad for about 4 years. We have financial stresses but no debt nor threat of losing out home just seem to run out all the time. He seems so lost in life. He told me our girls will be fine. He also said if he had not come back the last time we would all be over this by now. We got into a really big fight. He said I was screwed up for wanting to have him back even if he doesn’t want to be here. I said I wanted him back here and happy. He went to bed and left me on the sofa but I – and I still can’t believe I was so stupid – made him get up and I drove him to his sister’s house in the middle of the night. He was angrier than I ever saw him and told me this was the type of stuff he hates. That I was doing this to make a point (I just found it too hard to wait until morning for him to leave so I guess it was selfish for me to have him wakes his sister to save me waiting for him to leave). He text me the next day to ask if he needed to come stay with our girls whilst I went to work but I text back saying I was going to stay off. (Initially the last time I made him come around every day to see the girls but that just upset me and I used the time to beg him to come back so not wanting to see him this time, hope that makes sense?) He came around the next morning to collect pretty much all his clothes. He asked for the car for work but I said no and he got mad. I stayed calm but still tried to reason with him and said all the wrong things much to my shame. He text our girls to say sorry about all this, miss you and love you. He also text our youngest on her 13th birthday on Thursday to wish her a happy birthday. I had to text him on wed to let him know that she did not want to see him on her birthday. Apart from that no contact. I had to visit his mum yesterday to take my daughter out to get her birthday presents. His sister and young nephew were there and acted as if everything was normal. I never asked after him and they never mentioned him. We do not have a close relationship with his family. I do not know where he is staying.
