too much time and distance

[any chance?]

W has been in town for four days, and will be for another three. Not really sure what the dynamic is...part of the time she wants to be close, part of the time wants to be distant. Says she is having a hard time being back here, as she feels she is saying goodbye to everyone for one last time.

We will be getting a D. Says she needs to make a clean break so she can heal. Needs to put this emotional turmoil behind her. I have agreed to the D (legal separation so she can keep health insurance) Very little choice on my side.

She is on leave from an excellent job here. I have suggested that she think long and hard before she resigns her position, but there is very little doubt that she will.

She is putting on a game face here, but it is clear from talking to her that all is not well. She is spending a huge amount of time solo. Has not even started looking for a job. Is living very frugally. Does not go out. Barely cooks for herself. Although she says she is going to be OK and is moving on, it is pretty clear that depression is still ruling her life. She says she has no idea what the future holds. No kidding.

She is spending today going through our old slides. Says she might not be able to talk to me for a while, but can see us taking a trip together down the road ( we have traveled extensively). Says she loves me, likes me, likes being with me. But on to D we go.

I think the D, new financial arrangements and the immediate need for a job are going to hit her hard. I need to give her the D and stand back and see what happens.

This is no fun at all.