new to this..

[learning2listen]

So today is a pretty dark day, for me the emotional loss of my H feels like someone reached in and tore my heart out and left a gaping hole in my chest.

I am struggling with a few things, I am suppose to detach, not contact, this is considered pursuing and I should not do it. Well then I read that if it is depression or Mlc I should still let him know I am here for him..

So what do I do, when I reached a point after our lunch that I just wanted to talk to him I sent him a text saying I would like to see a picture of the pumpkin he carved (he is an artist at heart so I knew it would be amazing) within a few seconds I had two text showing me the pumpkins.. nothing more than a couple texts and I was fine.

I decided to "test" the waters and sent him a text that said I hope you have a good day.. he responded with he hoped i did as well, then when I got done at work, I was overwelmed with the missing him so I text him with a simple "how was your day?" he responded pretty quickly with a run down of his day and asked how was mine? I responded the light heartedly and with much of the same as his..that was that, just simple exchange of words, nothing more. So my question to all of you? am I pushing? now if I dont text am I hurting our movement forward, we have had no R talks in several weeks, but most of our conversaions are good but nothing more than what you would say to someone you barely know.


I know I have to show him things will be different but the main issue in our relationship that he has shared with me is not different. We still have all the finacial issues and the resentment he holds for me is still there. He is giving me no signs of hope other than being cordial? I am completely lost. It has been nearly 3 months since he dropped the bomb and 2 and half months since we stopped living together.

I can not believe this man does not miss his family but yet it seems like he doesnt. He seems to be living life day by day and creating a new one without us.. I know that is what I am suppose to be doing yet I cant stop thinking that it is wrong, I dont want a new life without him. I want a new life with him. I want to be stronger together....

I am probably backsliding and dont even realize it.