SA Your wonderful example, and her own strength and maturity will stand her in good stead. I am more than sorry for all that has happened to all of our families here, but our children seem to come through it [eventually] strengthened and not embittered. it is true that the real loser is the WAS.
SA, I'm so very sorry that he didn't go with your daughter. Memories such as these are priceless and can never be duplicated.
I agree with Bea, you are a wonderful example for your daughter and she knows that you are there for her every step of the way. Never doubt yourself. Cherish the memories that you are making with her and remember...she's cherishing them too.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Nothing is as painful when the ML'ers hurt our children. Your daughter will always remember that... but you are a shining light for her.
god bless
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Thank you all for your kindness and support. No matter what happens, I will never forget this place and the blessings I've received from you all while walking this path together.
I really hope you and your D had a wonderful time and didn't focus too much on his absence...
Those moments, while they do hurt our kids, fade...
Especially if our MLCer does try to reconnect with them eventually...
And what they remember are the good times that they had with us...
You guys will be ok. Your girls and guys, see your strength. They are thriving despite his weaknesses...
Sometimes, I have wondered if seeing both sides of it, causes our children to lean toward the strength...to aspire to have it themselves...to learn lessons early that we learn much later in life as the MLC hits...
We pass onto them all that we have learned. I have watched my S embrace these things much easier than I did. I have watched him integrate them into his person, as he passes through adolescense into adulthood.
I am sure your children are doing the same...
No idea what else to say here right now lol...
Have a good day my friend...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Thank you for your wisdom sweetie. I agree with everything you've said.
I went with my daughter with a specific goal in mind and that was to make it a memorable day for both she and I, whether her Dad accompanied us or not. I believe I was able to pull that off.
You know what? It wasn't hard because I was as excited as she was and I'm so thankful I got to share that with her. I thought to myself that I felt sorry that H was missing out on it, but again, his choice.
I have a question just out of curiosity. I've noticed that my H avoids me like the plague lately. No, I don't plan to run into him, but I don't hide if I have reason to be some place where he might see me. For example, yesterday, I was mowing the trim when he pulled up on his motorcycle after an outing with D13.
I was mowing around the bushes along the driveway when he saw me. Instead of pulling all the way into my driveway to turn around like he usually does, he immediately turned the bike around and pulled behind the hedges. Seeing me obviously made him uncomfortable. I just smiled to myself and kept on mowing.
Has anyone else had their S avoid them blatantly after being in the tunnel a while? Any ideas why? I thought he'd be used to the sitch by now.
It felt good to care less whether he shuns me or not.
I know you hurt for your daughter and the pain that her Dad causes her. I am glad you had opportunity to have that time with her and yes those will be the memories that last for her. The pain of her father's actions will fade with time.
As far as your H avoiding you......it would seem normal to me, he is still experiencing the guilt of what he is doing and wants to avoid that. When he sees you he experiences guilt. It is not until they are really alone and free and on their own that they start to move.
Hope YOU are doing well!!!
Cheers
~C
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
