You're already changing, growing, and yes, healing follows. It all takes time. Time is your friend.
You said two years ago you would have not thought forgiving him for something like this would have been possible. Forgiving yourself first will help you forgive him.
As for growing, well, you're asking yourself the questions that 2 years ago you wouldn't even have thought of. Finding those answers that help you move forward in this is your growth.
I understand about being overwhelmed as it is all on you right now. As you work your way through you will start to feel more in control of yourself and life.
The LBS goes through stages and cycles too. I have found that dealing with what comes along has advanced me forward.
I, too, was very resentful that my H just dumped everything in my lap without seemingly a second thought. I was sinking under the weight of it all. I started by handling one thing at a time and as I grew stronger and more confident I became proud that I could captain my own ship and be successful at it.
Is that the way I envisioned my life would turn out? H3ll no, but you have to play the cards you're dealt.
Believe in yourself, Life. Have confidence that you will get through this controlling the only thing you can, yourself. You have to do whatever you can to protect your kids and yourself.
I can see your growth since you've been here. You're doing fine and I have no doubt you'll be better than OK whichever way this turns out.
