JB, right there with you on your thoughts about your wife. I think they're "normal"....at least I have the same feelings. I love the woman I know she really is but am very perplexed and upset by what she is right now and what she is doing to our family.
I think you hit the nail on the head. At times I am just outright disgusted by the life my W is making for herself. But I still love her, even when she's not easy to love. After all, I guess this is the "for worse" part of my vows. Or maybe it's the "in sickness" part.
Part of my life is great, probably better than it's ever been. Part of it is crap. I choose to concentrate on the part that's great as much as I am able.
It turned out one of the more "interesting" evenings I've had in awhile. I came home from work today and noticed there were some police cars blocking a road and a bunch of people walking toward the blocked street. It's homecoming tonight for our local high school. The parade goes through our neighborhood. I had forgotten! Doh! I had forgotten because it's my W's night with my S tonight. Our family tradition has been to go down to the end of our street, watch the parade, and collect all the candy they throw at us. I rushed home and got my S, he grabbed his scooter, and we went to the end of the street. I texted my W and let her know where we were. She showed up in the middle of the parade. I found out later she had planned on taking him down there. So - there was Dad, down there at the parade with S when she got there. My W did look pretty nice when she showed up and I complimented her. She mentioned something about this always being our tradition every year.
My S rode his scooter back from the parade, I ran (so I guess I got a 4/10 mi. run in today. ) We convened at the house briefly and my W asked me what I had going on tonight. Since I couldn't think of anything better, I admitted I had had an extremely busy week, and that I was probably just going to crash. She said her and S were going out to eat, and asked if I'd like to join. I just said, "yeah I guess I could go".
So we went out for dinner tonight - the three of us. This is the first time since July. It was a pretty decent dinner. I was able to put on my DB'ing game face. My W - she didn't seem to be overly positive. She complained about a few things going on at S's school with the book fair (she used to be in charge of it), and talked about work for bit. I bragged a lot my S. I talked about having fun with the kids there at school yesterday at lunch. I told her about the "fire" debacle at the office this week. It was kind of like old times. She did say at one point that our S liked all of us going out to eat together. I thanked her inviting me. She said she did because she thought our S would like it. I just shrugged my shoulders. She just kind of shook off her previous comment and said "you're welcome."
TBH I kind of kept the conversation at a distance a bit. Kept it pretty high level. Frankly, she would have been more attractive to me if she had been more positive.
I think this evening will warrant a good 'ol-fashioned pull back now.
Yes, that is great about dinner! I understand about the pull back -- you're right. But since you know it's coming, it doesn't make it easier, but at least it's not a blindside.
I was thinking about you earlier, actually. I am so proud of all you've done during this trying time, and one thing you said stood out. It was where you said some things in your life are better than ever. It made me stop and think -- really think about what you said. I mean, just because our W's have chosen to leave us behind (for the moment anyway) it doesn't mean every darn thing in the world has to suk. I have been making that mistake so often.
For example, my threshold of pain is really high for some things. At work, with money, etc.... I don't worry much. Don't stress out like crazy and do not freak out and wallow. But my pain threshold is apparently SO low for this loss of love thing that I've allowed it to absolutely consume my being. It's time I really really really take note of that and give myself a 2 x 4. Thank you for making me have an epiphany.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
I'm so glad the three of you were able to have dinner and a little family time together. I'm sure that made your son's heart sing!
Thanks, lc4! I'm sure it did, too!
Originally Posted By: In_Shock
I was thinking about you earlier, actually. I am so proud of all you've done during this trying time, and one thing you said stood out. It was where you said some things in your life are better than ever. It made me stop and think -- really think about what you said. I mean, just because our W's have chosen to leave us behind (for the moment anyway) it doesn't mean every darn thing in the world has to suk. I have been making that mistake so often.
Thanks, IS! I'm glad it helped. Those thoughts have helped me. I try to concentrate on the good things. Life's much better that way.
This is actually my W's weekend with my S. She had to work today, though. She ended up dropping him off at 9:15. I woke up long enough this morning to say Hi to him, but then I slept in like a teenager to a little after 11.
I had some domestic chores to take care of today - laundry and cutting the grass. I didn't get that much time with my S. I was planning on taking him out to get a pumpkin today. I took a shower after cutting the grass, and my W was already at the house. A little mis-communication - she only works until 4 on Saturdays, not 6 like I thought. My S opted to go with my W today instead of going with me to get a pumpkin and me taking him over to my W's apartment. It's OK, I will have him almost all day tomorrow, despite it being my W's weekend.
The exchange with my W was fairly neutral. I was pretty upbeat , and she just seemed really tired.
My plans were busted. Time to make some new ones. It was a beautiful day, so at 5:30, I decided to pack up my bike and head to the bike path. The temperature was around 60 degrees, and going tonight beat the idea of going tomorrow morning like I originally planned. I would've had to get up at 6:30 and it's supposed to be in the upper 30s. I took my iPod and I had the hammer down. I cranked out 27 mi. Sunset was 6:50 and I wrapped up about 7:40.
It's getting late tonight, but I'll probably still watch a movie. I don't have to get to bed as early anymore now.
Ended up watching a movie last night and getting to bed pretty late. I still got up in time to get down to my W's to pick up my S for church. I had to be there early this morning because I was on duty for the prayer team at the end of the first service. It was a very short interaction with my W. It was a decent interaction, friendly enough.
Excellent church service and message this morning. Really enjoyed it. Walked in with a peppermint latte prepared by a couple of the women from my "ladies group" on Tuesday nights.
My S and I went out to lunch afterword. We went home and made some brownies, and headed out to farm to pick up a pumpkin for my S.
After picking up the pumpkin, my S and I went back to church for a trunk and treat, pig roast, and campfire. Talked to a lot of people there at church. I have really made a lot of new friends. Healthy friendships. Great support. I've participated in a lot of different events and activities and I've really gotten to know a lot of people.
My S and I still had to do meal planning and grocery shopping for the week after that.
At bedtime, my S and I worked on some bible versus he's trying to memorize for his class on Sunday mornings. I made a committment to memorize them with him. It was kind of like studying together. We actually had a really good time doing it! By the end, we were both laughing pretty hard because we kept messing up.
I ended up having an interaction with my W today. Today was "bring a special friend to school" day. Both my W and I showed up for lunch. She texted me beforehand and asked if I would pick something up for her. I agreed to do so. It was a nice lunch. I didn't get to interact with the kids as much as I had been, because there were a lot other parents and grandparents there.
They were also having the book fair there. My W has been the book fair chairperson for the last few years. There were a lot of people really happy to see her. She ended up talking to and saying hello to more people than myself today. I had to keep reminding myself it's not a competition. Just this year, I have been meeting my S for lunch on pretty much a weekly basis. Before that, I have probably been at his school 5-10 times year. I did help my W at the book fair.
I was able to be upbeat and positive. She was pretty upbeat and positive, too. I think my S was glad to have both of us there.
i KNOW he was glad for you both to be there. I'm so happy you were able to have a positive interaction. You're modeling so much for the little guy. I know my S is always ecstatic when W, he and I go somewhere or do something TOGETHER. Even if it's just a trip to McD's. He'll say to one of us, "Are YOU going too??"
Have a great day today, man.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
After all, I guess this is the "for worse" part of my vows. Or maybe it's the "in sickness" part. 
I had forgotten because it's my W's night with my S tonight. Our family tradition has been to go down to the end of our street, watch the parade, and collect all the candy they throw at us. I rushed home and got my S, he grabbed his scooter, and we went to the end of the street. I texted my W and let her know where we were. She showed up in the middle of the parade. I found out later she had planned on taking him down there. So - there was Dad, down there at the parade with S when she got there. My W did look pretty nice when she showed up and I complimented her. 
, and she just seemed really tired. 
