Learning from the pain....hard lessons

[In_Shock]

yes, luv, that's my problem. I'm so afraid of losing any time with my little boy. But it does hurt to be with her. Knowing she doesn't even want to be with me....

But funny thing is we STILL go out to eat every weekend alone. Have for years. We just got done about half an hour ago. We had a nice talk. I tried to keep it light and suceeded for the most part...small steps. She told me a lot about some work things. I tried hard to let her know I empathize, and that I hear... OW texted while we were eating. W did not answer her until we were finished.

of course then, me, trying to keep up some semblance of our old life....asked if W wanted to go get a movie for tonight. She said, "I don't care...you will get mad at me because I'll text through it anyway."

Me:"well, I try to ignore it, but if you want, you can tell 'her' you're watching a movie and you'll talk later"

Personally I think W is totally being drawn in by this person. I looked at the OW on FB--- just to see what she looked like, and saw some interesting things. The books W has suddenly taken an interest in, the t-shirts she's suddenly wearing, the new tattoo she just got.....ALL OF IT comes from this other woman.... Hmm...I'm beginning to think W really doesn't know who SHE is, and that's why it's so easy to blame everything on ME.

If that makes any sense??? She seems to be searching---grabbing something new... trying so hard to push all of 'our' life out of her life. Merging all the OW's interests... weird. Sorta chameleon-like. I thought W was stronger than that.

While we were out tonight and I was concentrating SO hard on being quiet...not doing anything to upset W, etc....I had another revelation. MY GOODNESS---- am I REALLY that unlovable and bad that I have to change myself and make myself over so someone will love me???? Don't I want someone to love me for ME????

Then I think...well, W used to really adore me. What changed? Life caught up with us. I didn't nurture the R. I didn't tell her how important she was enough. I spent too much time GAL then instead of working on US. She loved me so much....so it's not ME she's not in love with. All these things she's saying about me driving her crazy, blame blame blame.... WAS justification or as 25 says -- alien spew!

Not that I'm innocent. I admit the things I did wrong ^^^^^^, but I realized I'm not this unlovable person who has to watch every move and walk on eggshells to get someone to love me. That's not how I got W in the first place.

OK GUYS----------- any comments???????