You'd be doing her a favor in the long run, but teaching her to appreciate a good man. MIght not be you, or down the road it might be. But this path is teaching her some bad habits unbecoming a woman of character and soul, with a loving heart.
It's not good stuff coming from her, or going your way.
But I hear you about wanting to be in the right place before you choose a course correction/shift.
All I can say though is, Life is short. These are your healthiest best years. Think about that.
2-4 times a week of mutually enjoyable monogamous sex is the norm. If you are both high sex drive, imagine what that could mean...
but instead you are in this constant tug of war.
GB, just so I know I've asked, you ARE "smooth" in your approach, right?
Okay, just had to ask...
Good luck, soldier on.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Smooth?! What is that?! Like most LD spouses after years of unfounded complaints I don't even know what smooth is.
She claims I'm not smooth, and a sex maniac, and a bunch of other things designed to deflect from the fact that SHE has intimacy issues. I've seen her get very friendly and touchy, rubbing my chest and getting close, only to out of nowhere say, "I'm fat, I know I am"
Like she was insulting herself to get her out of the mood.
That's not even the real issue right now. I post this hesitantly because well my wife is back, she no longer talks about divorce, she intends to stay for the long haul and we have been very happy for the last month or two.
Our fights are fewer, shorter, less intense, all around good. I have been very happy. I've set to have the marriage GB wants to have. Things are not perfect though, and we both seem to backtracking on issues like respect, and controlling our emotions.
I feel things could degenerate to the way it was, so of course we end up having silly little fights. If this is piecing, well our puzzles have more pieces then most.
.....She claims I'm not smooth, and a sex maniac, and a bunch of other things designed to deflect from the fact that SHE has intimacy issues. I've seen her get very friendly and touchy, rubbing my chest and getting close, only to out of nowhere say, "I'm fat, I know I am"
Like she was insulting herself to get her out of the mood.
....my wife is back, she no longer talks about divorce, she intends to stay for the long haul and we have been very happy for the last month or two.
....I've set to have the marriage GB wants to have. Things are not perfect though, and we both seem to backtracking on issues like respect, and controlling our emotions.
...I feel things could degenerate to the way it was, so of course we end up having silly little fights. If this is piecing, well our puzzles have more pieces then most.
The first item seems to be "her problems" and as an Integrated Man, you should be able to recognize those as her problems that interfer with her being able to find happiness. Yes, it messes up your happiness, but it is still really a problem that she is going to have to resolve and one that you shouldn't let drag you down emotionally.
As to the later items, marriage is hard work, there are ups and downs. Understand that and learn to celebrate the ups and enjoy them. The fear of backtracking or in my case the emotional scars that come quickly to the surface, just take time and with time they to become less intense.
Focus on the great accomplishments, focus on the progress and the happiness. Good luck, but also focus on your GAL and finding happiness and satisfying your "real" needs.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
