Just went for a great walk with a friend. I thought the convo might drag me down, but it actually uplifted me. She's divorced and remarried a guy 14 years younger, but the way she talks about him (IDK- I admit, I didn't think it would work) he sounds fantastic. SHe has two girls - one just entered high school and is already having issues with relationships and boys and she's freaked out. But listening to her and everything she went through with her girls and custody and how they are turning out (my same fears b/c of the way exBF is a lot like her exH) .... IDK. I realized that I STILL CAN'T CONTROL ANY OF IT-
Just like she knows she can't control her D - even though she wants to take her out of the public high school ... I sounded good talking to her. I know it's easier to say than to do - but I can't control this - I can control me and now I see what you guys were saying to me early on - focus on me - what I can control - b/c anything else is silly an illusion a waste of energy manipulation - and I can control my health, my boundaries, and get myself into something healthy.
D will always have her R with her dad, and that can affect her - hopefully not to the extent that it did my friend's D - but all I can do is move on with my life in healthy ways and eventually get myself into something healthy and model that for D.
It was a great walk and a great talk and she and I reconnected after being very close for years (I was there when she was pregnant with her first baby) and she lives the next town over now. And seeing that the man she married is a gem - he might be young (she's 43 now, he's 29) but the stuff she told me he said to her D about this bad boyfriend she's involved with was spot-on and I'm sooooo happy her D has that male role model in her life! And my friend reminded me that I can get into something healthy too - that I deserve it. She was about to meet her H for dinner, and I felt envy - in a good way - like, wow, I look forward to a date with my H one day! (Something exBF and i never did, unfortunately -) - I know there was a time when we could have, but we just never went out - or if we did it was out of a feeling of obligation and it never felt very connected.
I'm wiped. Going to be early tonight. Taking D to a pumpkin patch tomorrow. Just overall feeling better with this recent shift.
