Yep.........I'm still here

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

Slept pretty good last night, and actually slept in a bit.

Met a friend for coffee this morning and now I'm just chilling at home for a bit.
May go downtown to look at some of the shops in a bit, or else just sit on my butt. I don't know which sounds more tempting.

[Valeska19]

" I wanted to say i am so proud of you. You are so strong with all that you have been through not just with H, I admire the way you always seem to keep your head above water and take steps to improve for yourself. I love you!"

I am going to save this to remind myself of how far I've come.

It's interesting that when we are experiencing a hard day.. someone gives us a loving comment. Just reinforces we are heading in the right direction.

Keep on keeping on.

[In_Shock]

true, so true. DG I can see how far you have come. I've read your story from the time I started coming to this bittersweet place. You are a true survivor.

I always follow your posts to see how you are doing. Take care

[~¤DG¤~]

You two are both so sweet. Thank you.

Last night I went out with friends.
I don't know if anyone remembers, but over the summer I befriended 2 men who are from out of town and here for work.
One is from Michigan & the other from Germany.
We've gotten to be pretty good friends and seem to get together quite a bit.

Last night we went bowling and it was so much fun.
My German friend was absolutely fascinated with people singing karaoke, it was fun to watch him take it all in.
I will admit, I am attracted to him but nothing will come of it.
He is only here until April at the latest, has a gf back home, and I don't think feels the same about me, and that's fine.
He told me last night that he is happy I came over and introduced myself to them and that I come across as very confident.
That just floors me that others see me that way.

Anyway....I was thinking this morning, and even though I want to be with my H, I don't know if it would work.
I've made some great new friends whom I enjoy spending time with, and that would probably change if we were to reconcile.
Not that I can't have friends, but you know how socializing while single can be very different from socializing while married.

I don't want to give that up. I just don't.

[2thepoint]

DG - I was just reading somewhere about how potentially dangerous it is to completely disengage from the relationship. So, if you find that your DB activities are putting you further and further away from your goal of a R, then you might want to reevaluate. If you have reached the point of no return, then why continue to subject yourself to continuing on this roller coaster? On the other hand, if you remain committed to making it work, which I think you are, perhaps it is time to look at other options that will serve to jump start the R.

Just my perspective. Hope it is helpful.

[~¤DG¤~]

2-

I understand what you are saying, but honestly my H & I do not communicate or anything so it's hard for me to try to jump start anything. I've reached out to him many times and he isn't interested.

So why should I stay stuck?

[realormakebeliev]

DG, sounds to me like you're doing a great job detaching, which I believe to be the most difficult part of the roller coaster....

Keep on keeping on! Glad you had a good time.

[2thepoint]

DG - I don't think you have to stay stuck. Do you have a T that you can discuss this with or someone you trust to give you the unvarnished truth and maybe find alternative approaches? Only you know what is best for you and your situation so, do what you think is best. We're all pulling for you!

[~¤DG¤~]

I've been seeing a T for nearly a year now, and we discuss this all the time.
Her biggest advice to me has been to live in the moment and try to be happy with or without my H.

I love my H, and I miss him unbearably at times.
It is those times that I have to force myself to remember that the only control I have over anyone is myself, and his journey is his journey.
Do I hope we can find our way back to one another? Absolutely. Do I think it will happen? I honestly don't know.

I try very hard to let go and let God and have faith that He knows what is best for me. I'm not doing anything inappropriate that I would be ashamed of at all. I've stayed true to my vows and will until the very end.

For the first time I am worrying about me and only me.

[Telemark]

I'm not doing anything inappropriate that I would be ashamed of at all. I've stayed true to my vows and will until the very end.

That's superb, DG. I read your posts to keep myself positive and encouraged.

Staying true to our vows is doubly hard when we suspect or know that our S's may not have the same outlook. But like you, I want to be sure that at the end of all of this I can stand up and say I was honest and honorable.