Thanks everyone. Grace_0 that is how I felt-I had been run over by a Mac truck. I truly do work on stopping the thoughts but then are we really processing what has happened or is happening?? I feel like some of it is avoidance and will come back to haunt me one day. I am working on who I want to be. But, when I speak to him a lot of anger will come to the top. Usually I hold it in. I am working on forgivesness but this anger is still there. And, it does come out now and then. Yes, some of the things I say- I say for a reaction or some movement. Immature I know. I need to work on that. SOmetimes I feel though since H is an alcoholic the rules have changed some. I think I am confusing myself. I think what really gets me is his cool attitude about everything. Like its normal to be doing what he is doing. I realize I do place a lot of value on his words. His actions though speak otherwise of what he says. That is hard. I want to believe him. I want this nightmare to be done. I have set goals for myself. Meeting some and working on others. This sitch is in my mind though. Some days more than others. I think that one week a month too doensn't help. I feel a little out of control then.
