A very thought provoking post. I realise that many MLCers are very manipulative people [probably because they are damaged goods] Looking back I can see that my xh became manipulative as his MLC took hold, and I responded initially, and became very unhappy as a result.

So yes, I think that until we continue to live our own lives for quite some time, there is a real risk we could revert to old ways. finally though those ways become us, and are so embedded that I don't think the reversion would take place, although the MLCer, unless they have dealt with their issues, might try. But at that point, unless they ad changed themselves, I don't think we would want the pre MLC marriage.



I spent a little time with my xh a couple of years ago, and one of the things he noted was that I had 'changed' But he loved me before he left and liked and approved of me. He says he never stopped liking me, just stopped being 'in love'. He always praises my good qualities blush just didn't want to live with them!!

I no longer want to change 'for him' MHL made a very good point there. I can see my xh is the one with real problems, so I made the changes for me. I don't mean that I am satisfied with everything about myself btw, still work in progress!

I don't think you would revert to old ways - I think you might have done 6 months ago, and you might be tempted today, but every day that goes by makes it less and less likely that you would have a relationship with the man your xh is anymore, unless he changed too.