Looking for the silver lining...

[irishblessings]

I was cc'd on an email today. XH emailed S's English teacher to check on his senior paper. XH also works at my S's HS. So the email is very nice to the teacher - and then states: "So appreciative of your help - it really takes a village to raise a child."
All I wanted to do is SCREAM F-U (I'm feeling that a lot lately). I thought - well I could reply to him and spell it out in white font - he would have no idea what it said:). Instead - just ignored it and went about the business of living. My S and I are on a good stretch right now and that is all that matters.

At the divorce class last night, the group was talking about the symbol of a triangle and that God should be the point and the wife is one side of the triangle and the husband is the other. The closer the spouses are to God the more narrow the triangle. OK - good theory - I get it. I have spent these last 17 months trying to articulate concisely what has bothered me about this whole mess and I think I have narrowed it down to this:

So many people have a somewhat glib attitude towards marriage and commitment these days. It's the "well, if you are not happy then you need to get out and get happy." OK - so that's one way to look at it. But I've really been wondering about what does a good man do when he begins to feel unhappy in his marriage or in his life. Let's say that he is so unhappy that he ends up doing a lot of bad things - affairs, deceit, etc. When it all comes to a head - what does a good man do? Does he leave or does he stay and re-commit and work to make amends for the harm done? My gut wants to believe the latter - but I don't know for sure. Can a WAS become a "good" person again if they never work to repair the damages? I think of it like the 12 steps - making amends is a big step. And then I wonder - what would amends look like today?

This divorce class is sponsored by a local Christian church but it is a non-denominational program. It does however prescribe some pretty rigid boundaries regarding life for those divorced - the "wait a year for every 5 years you were married before you get involved with anyone" / the "born-again virgin" - no sex until you remarry / the "you are never truly free from the marriage unless the ex-spouse marries someone else". Don't get me wrong - I am NO where close to wanting to seek another relationship. I know I need this time. And my faith does somewhat align with versions of these opinions - but I really don't know what I feel about all of this. Maybe I am just not ready to figure out how I feel about these beliefs.

Am I alone in these random thoughts?