What was I an idiot? Of course there's an OM...

[workinghardguy]

Journaling... not a lot went on today, which seems amazing for what life has been like of late. W worked 12 hours today so barely saw her this morning and then she was going to a friend's house tonight for a birthday party/Passion party.

This morning did have an interesting sequence... tomorrow is son's last soccer practice (kindergarten soccer) of the fall session. W has had to work every week except last week, but last week she was at a funeral out of town. S really wanted her to be there this week and had asked her last week to come. She said she would see if she could come in late. I know my W, and just like the guitar lesson babysitting from a few days ago, she'd likely forgotten this too.

So this morning I start thinking should I remind her? Do I "caretake" and be sure she makes it? or do I let her forget, fail, and then have to explain to S why she didn't show up? After wrestling with this for a bit I finally decide that my own personal core values are a) to be compassionate and caring and b) to not make my S suffer.

So I text her about it. I did find it funny that I probably spent 10 minutes composing that text message. If our spouses knew the amount of energy and time we put into every freaking communication with them, they might just give up and come back out of sheer amazement

I tried to not be controlling or overreaching... just hey, did that ever happen? type of question. She texts me back that she forgot and will check with her boss. Ok, thanks. Disinterested and child-focused.

Worked from home today so that wasn't great as it meant time to ruminate and sit on the boards But overall I'm feeling ok I guess. Had my second DB coaching session... again, ok but not earth-shattering. I guess the greatest value was as a sounding board to say, "hey... Mr. Glass is Half Empty and leaking... take stock of where you are at and the positives and just accept them" I have a hard time with that piece... like without her giving up on splitting in June all the positives don't mount to a hill of beans, even though they do. The basic message was "quit whining and count your blessings... I have lots of clients who would kill to have your problems". Ok, I get it...

Just a few minutes ago I was reading a post where someone pointed out that most WAS are self-debating even when they look solid as a rock. So I guess I will have to hope that's what's going on in my W's head.

S and I went out for fish fry tonight after playing in the park. The going out was actually my W's idea a couple days ago. We had fun and I'd never gone to a real restaurant (i.e. not McD's) with him before where it was just he and I. He was a great little guy. I had to chuckle as at one point I got up to go to the salad bar and when I got back he had moved his plate, silverware, crayons, drawing stuff, and drink all the way across the table so he could sit next to me instead of across from me. Industrious little guy he is After dinner we walked home and ran to the store. I knew my W would be going by the house shortly and I was not going to be home when she did that - I wanted her to see a dark house.

One last event I thought interesting and positive before I logoff... my W texts me late afternoon that she is able to come to soccer tomorrow morning and that she'll call later to talk to S before bed. I text her back and tell her thanks for working it out, S is excited (though I wait about 20 minutes before I respond). She replies that she's glad she could do it and is looking forward to it. It just all seemed so clinical and ex-wife/ex-husband type communication. Made me feel creepy.

But then tonight she calls me to talk to S. I answer and simply say "hold on" and hand the phone to S. S and W talk for a while, he's five so phone conversations don't go real long plus mom was interrupting Green Lantern Suddenly S hands the phone back to me. I see the calls still connected so I say hi. W seems a little startled as says she wasn't sure if S had hung up or put her down or what. I play it cool and say "ok... well I'll talk to you later" and then W starts talking. She talks about her day, soccer tomorrow, this party she's heading to, her friend's birthday. Then she almost hits some deer but misses them. Then we share a funny memory of when we were dating and I was driving super-slow due to snowy roads. Two deer ran out and hit my car (they ran into ME not me running into them). And then I ended the call and said I had to go.

So yeah... again with the positive I guess. She started out making sure I knew she didn't ask my S to give me the phone, but then proceeded to have a 10 minute phone conversation. Just more confusion... whatever.