new to this..

[workinghardguy]

Welcome to limboland young Padawan (and I can say that because I have a whole extra month in this s*it than you)

The rules are you don't get to ask for feedback because that's pursuing. Not to mention if you ask you'll spook him and then the feedback you get will probably be negative even though that may not be how he's truly feeling. Seem sort of mixed up? It is.

The only feedback that you can really hope for is through his actions. Words are words... they are crafty and malleable... we can choose them carefully and splice them a thousand ways.

Actions are different. They require both effort to execute and thought to happen. To me the best kind of actions are the unplanned ones... the ones where I know my W doesn't have time to think it through. Like when she blushed and thanked me last night for a comment about her appearance. She didn't have time to manipulate that like she would a sentence.

So the lunches are feedback. The not talking about D is feedback.

My W wants us to split up. But, she's willing to wait until our debts are caught up next June. That's feedback. It's feedback that she's unhappy, but not so unhappy that I need to move out NOW. She doesn't know if she wants to separate or divorce... that's feedback - she's confused. She doesn't want to rely on me for anything, but yet still asks me to handle all the household finances and money management. That's feedback that apparently she is willing to rely on me for some things.

As far as your desperation to have this work... he can probably smell it. You have to find a way to grow past it. This whole process is almost Zen-like... it doesn't really work until you almost stop worrying about whether it will work. You get your own life and figure out how to do this without him. Then, if it works, he comes back because you don't need him.

Yeah, I know, sounds backwards and crazy... such is our lot in life right now!