Trying not to hope is hard

[workinghardguy]

Sorry to hear it was a hard session SP... take some time and process. Remember that she views everything so negatively because she has to. If it was positive and good, then what is she doing? Something must be wrong with someone who walks away from something good.

Remember the axiom... only believe 30% of what they say and 50% of what they do.

Or look at the other side... she trusts you and thinks you're a responsible father. But in "all other areas of life" you're not... what? How does that even make any sense? So your life is a mess over here but she trusts you to be a dad...? Is that even possible? That's like saying the living room is ok but the rest of the house is on fire, so let's just hang out in the living room.

She's crafting her own reality. You don't have to agree to it. But it is her reality and she's free to have it. You can either do things that prove her wrong over the long-term so that she has to either reconcile her beliefs with what is actually happening, or just surrender the fight and let it go.

My W's "reality" is that I've manipulated her and "bought" her for the past five years to keep her in our R and not allow her to see that "there is more out there and she could be out finding the love of her life." WTH? Really? Yes dear, that's exactly what I've been doing. I bring you home a beautiful ring from a work trip I take to Philly because I'm hoping I can buy a piece of your love.

OR... maybe I do love you, you like getting gifts, I like how they look on you, and so it's a win-win. Well... one of those is more likely than the other.

But I know how it feels... when my W said the above it's the only time I started to lose my cool... it's the only thing she's said so far where I've gotten "meanish" towards her and argued and invalidated her feelings. But they are her feelings... only she can change them.