I've been reading along with your posts for a long time, but I think this is the first time I've posted to you.
I was thinking of you last night when I was out a dinner with a girlfriend and her "boyfriend". This "boyfriend" is married.
My friend is a successful, single woman. She’s outgoing, gorgeous, fun, independent. She doesn’t need to date married men, but he pursued her mercilessly and she claims she “fell in love with him for all he had to tolerate in his ‘life-of-quiet-desperation’ at home in his unsatisfying marriage.” (puke)
Tbe affair has been going on for a couple of years, he’s involved in her life, he helps her with stuff on her house, they socialize with her group, he’s met her family and is part of her friendship group. For all intents and purposes they are a couple. They get on really well and she claims it’s the best sex she’s ever had. They told me last night that he has decided he's going to leave his wife after Christmas, and he's saving and figuring out the financial stuff now.
Here's the kicker. He hasn't shared that important piece of information with his wife.
I called my girlfriend this morning to ask her “WTF?” – and she claims that he and his wife live like old friends, they rarely make love, their kids are almost grown up, and he thinks that she’ll be shocked at first, but she’ll get over it because she doesn’t “love” him in a romantic way anyway. She said that the wife “knows” about the affair but the OM and his wife don’t talk about it. Apparently he perceives that’s because she doesn’t really care. (I would say it’s because she’s too upset and angry with him to know what to say)
You and I both know that this will come as a horrible shock to his wife and she’ll be devastated. My friend and her lover don’t seem to appreciate it.
The reason I thought of you is that I worry that while you and your H are not talking about this, you don’t have a clue where you stand. There are serious implications for you if he decides to change his life without discussing it with you.
Be careful Abbey. Your husband is treating you very badly and goodness knows what is going on in his head. You need to protect yourself, just in case.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
