Tel, Have you read the book "from abandonment to healing"? Does a very good job of explaining why we continue to pine for the spouse that abandoned us, very interesting read recommended by someone here.
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Gunny I wish you luck today. Hope you can handle the goodbye without breaking down. Show her strength, confidence. you can let the emotions take over you once you have driven away. I know it is going to be a hard day for you but you have no control over what she is doing. Know this, she will miss you it will take some time but she will. Remember not to try and negotiate at the last minute it will push her away further. hang in the buddy I will pray for you.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Gunny: Since she has arrived everything has been just fine. I just have to accept the fact that the D is one of her primary focal points, and I need to go along for the ride. She is checking off boxes on her 'to-do' list that is guiding her out of her depression and onto eternal happiness. I am just a box on the list.
Only time will tell. Completely out of my control.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Yes, I did read FATH...good read and yes, it did help me understand what I am feeling, why I am feeling it and what I can do to help myself.
After that book I read [edited by dbmod: reference not recommended/allowed], which was a plain old kick in the crotch. I saw so many unappealing and unattractive behaviors in myself that had contributed to the downfall of my marriage. Since then I have joined the i][edited by dbmod: reference not recommended/allowed][/i] online forums and have kicked the self-improvement program into high gear.
Tioga County - about 3 1/2 hours north of me. Beautiful part of the state.
Last edited by dbmod; 11/10/1101:39 AM.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Hey rick, Well, I am now at my brothers place using his laptop. Said goodbye to the s and dog today at 5, it was terrible, but at least it is over after 4 months, and I at least have some closure to act 1. Did my best not to shed tears, did a good job until i was just about out the door. Gave her a hug, told her to be careful, and to contact me when she got settled in. She said she was sorry, and told me to stay in contact, and said she would be in touch soon.
I think she is as glad as i am to get this phase over. From reading the board, some have said to standby, the worst is yet to come, others have said it was almost a relief to get it done with. I willl let you knwo, wanted to say thanks again for keeping track, hope you have a peacful night,
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
I used to think the very old saying of "If you love something let it go, if it was meant to be yours it will come back" was a hokey bit of wisdom.
Now I'm starting to see it's a truism for a reason. Hang tough.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
Marines are true Americans. Tried to get into the military when 22 but have flat feet and they said no. Really pissed after the prostate exam? Hope you have a good evening . Know that W will soon realize that she made a huge mistake zand u will have to choose ? If u know what I mean. Hope u sleep good my brother. Yeap hope to fly my 140mph Plane Sat .
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Gunny, It is probably a good time to begin another thread. This one is over 100 posts and will likely get locked. Some people here like to link threads and it will not be possible to link this one to your next after it is locked. Your call.
It was difficult to keep up morale after STBX left. She moved out in stages. I found it helped me to do things to the house leaving my mark upon it. Over the summer I painted the exterior, cleaned the yard and landscaped. I even put up a martin house my father and I had made 45 yrs ago, and I GAL’ed like a fiend.
Now that the weather is turning I will begin to do things to the interior as funding permits. Point is I am making this space mine rather than what was ours. I am not intentionality erasing evidence of her yet rather I am changing things I compromised on to better reflect me.
In my experience this phase was harder in the beginning. It became easier the more I took charge of myself and my environment. The time and distance permitted me to focus more on my improvements and my GAL. It became easier. You are in control.
Listen to what your coach and the other professionals you are working with are advising you to do. The people here all intend to help from their point of view based on what they perceive about the posts they have read. It is up to each of us to filter and apply the information and advice that we perceive fits the situation we find ourselves in.
Remember what General OP Smith said at the Chosin Reservoir.
Semper Fidelis
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
hello everyone, js, rick, whg, 2thepoint, Thank you all for your words of encouragement. Today was tough going home to an empty house, s gone, dog gone, basically the whole family. I am truly sad and feel like a leaf in the autumn wind, not quite sure where i will be the next few days. Have gotten many calls today from people who care, checking in on me. One of the postive aspects of this whole sitch is that i have become much better at asking for, and receiving help, and saying thank you. So, once again my friends, thank you for your support. I will now be starting a new thread, talk to you all soon. Gunny
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
