Just dropping by to say I know what you're going through and I feel for you.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation with my H (see my thread if you have time) and for me, the need to be patient is the key at this stage.
I keep seeing small positive steps forward, but still great wariness on the part of my H. He seems to want to be with me, but then again, he doesn't.
Sometimes it's big things, like asking me out for drinks or coffee, other times it's tiny signs. Most recently, when I asked him what sort of cake he wanted me to buy for his birthday, he said: "Black Forest cake, because that's the one you like". And this was not said in a sarcastic way, but as a nice thoughtful gesture.
But most times, I feel like he's testing me. Waiting for me to go back to my old controlling, judgemental ways. I'm working on myself in this regard. But it's so hard dealing with his withdrawal from us (me and 2 kids).
I need to keep reminding myself that a lot of what he does is probably fuelled by sadness and guilt, and that being with us is just as heart-wrenching for him as not being with him is for me. So, I practice trying to put myself in his shoes and see things without getting too negative.
I don't know how to be patient other than to think back over the last 3months and realise that I've gotten this far without breaking down completely. So, if I can do 3 hard months, I must be able to do 3 more....and maybe 3 more after that.
Hope it helps to know others are walking with you in this.
