When the anger has passed, when the frustration has passed, when you have forgiven him and yourself and can do it with dignity and grace...
When it doesn't matter to you as much anymore...
In the meantime, speak it here...
Scream it to the trees, or God, or the universe...
Get it out and let it go...
As far as him being manipulative...
He may know, he may not...
What goes through their heads, is anyone's guess...
He has SAID many times he doesn't want a D. Great.
Until he shows you, all it is, is words.
And that is something you know. Accept the words for what they are, words, and step away.
You don't have to allow his words to keep you from living.
Living doesn't mean you have to pursue a divorce (unless there are financial reasons or you want to) and it doesn't mean you have to date...
It just means you live, for you, as if he was your neighbor or not around at all...
Until you want to do something differently...
Getting off of the rollercoaster, is a conscious CHOICE.
One that you will need to make daily, maybe even hourly for a while...
You being the insane one, well we ALL have felt that at one point or another...
That is part of MLC, WE begin to wonder if they are sane and we are not...
As we learn to recognize MLC behaviors, we realize that we aren't insane...
Believe it or not, and I know you really don't want to hear this...
While doing or saying the wrong thing CAN make it worse, NOTHING you do or say is going to be right while they are in the crisis...
So does it matter?
I guess if you don't want a chance at reconciliation then it doesn't matter.
If you want the possibility to exist...
Then yes it matters very much...
The best thing that you can do, is get out of the way of his journey and live your own...
If you obsess, thought stopping techniques are a great way to help yourself. I believe it was Grace_O who snapped a rubberband on her wrist to help with this.
Google thought stopping methods and see what you find...
Pick something, anything, that you can control for you, that will make you happy, even if it is for five minutes, that is for YOU and doesn't involve anyone else, and start there...
For me, I started taking a bubble bath every night.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
