Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[keep_going]

Journaling...

I had my counseling session today. I feel it will be very beneficial to me. I love talking to my DB coach, which I now have to drop for finacial reasons, but right now I am going thru a lot and realize I need to be very strong and healthy. This counselor specializes in anger management and I think that is the #1 emotional issue I need to deal with right now.

We talked about my triggers. She wants me to develop self-awareness at the MOMENT when I feel angry, not afterwards. So I will be paying attention to those moments and writing about them as soon as they happen. That will be very good, I think. I am good now at looking BACK and realizing what I have done wrong, but the awareness at the moment, will be a huge improvement. I think the next step after that will be prevention BEFORE it happens. We'll see.

We also talked about ways in which I can help my daughters - there is so much they are going thru - separation, relatively new house, new baby, new pre-school for my almost-3 year-old...

Plus with our financial issues, now they will lose their nanny (another important figure will be leaving their lives) and if we cannot save the house, another move will be coming up at some point in the near future. So I need to be their rock more than ever to make them feel secure and loved thru all of this. And to do that, I first need to feel that way myself...

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I am actually looking forward to going to Mexico for the holidays. Two weeks with all my family - parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles nieces, nephews... We are a strong-knit family and a large one as well. I am looking forward to have them all support me and my kids, pamper us and just make us feel loved. I also know it will be great for the girls. And even though it will be hard for them not to be with their dad, they will have a good time. For H, this is high season at work, so we would not be seeing much of him until after Xmas anyways... Better be there than sitting home missing him.

More to come later. Trying shorter and more frequent posts now...