Well, I'm reading multiple books at the same time. about 4 of Michele's and also 2 by Susan Page (who was given nice reviews by Michele).
Michele's book "How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together" seems to be really helpful in my case.
I really like Susan Page's advice of looking for solutions that do not involve asking your partner to change. In my relationship, I think there won't be any major change. But a little tweaking may make all the difference. I think my goals of what I'd like to see HIM do are setting me up for disappointment. For instance...I'd like for him to call me just to "check in" and let me know he's thinking of me. Yes, he used to do that. But things are different now. I see him 5 days a week instead of two. It is impossible for me to have a 1-1 1/2 hour long phone conversation with him in the evenings without constant interruptions from my little girl. He is also working on a project at home after work that needs his time (after he has already spent 2 hours "quality time" with our daughter.)
The eye contact goal was met, my affection was accepted and even responded to positively, if without much enthusiasm. He did meet me for a date, and although it didn't go as well as I'd have liked, he DID show up. Rather than expressing my disappointment for him not showing the excitement and enthusiasm I'd like for him to, I should have really been so appreciative about the progress he has made.
I think the LRT or 180 were not the most appropriate strategies, but I think it hasn't hurt anything and it has given me time to think. A little distancing every once in a while is probably a good thing, anyway.
I think I should continue my "I love you" and hugs and casual kisses (and "serious" kisses when I get the opportunity).
I have already told him that I love him just the way he is and I wouldn't change him even if I could. He's wonderful just the way he is. Yes, I need more emotional intimacy, but I'm not going to beat him over the head for not giving it to me.
I am passionate about and committed to this man and our relationship. I will never, never, never give up on it. There will always be room for improvement, but I think that is a good thing.
Susan says I should be OKAY with having to be the one who says, "I love you" and initiates hugs and kisses and such. That is my job, I guess, and he is gracious in accepting it. He may NEVER say "I love you", but that is okay. He cares for me and I just want to give that "love" whatever it needs to develop. I think I will eventually get what I need and I'll get it quicker if I can give him what he needs. I think what he needs most is acceptance.
Susan says, "Let go of the fantasy of what you wish the relationship were like, and let your self enjoy what is actually is." What it actually is for me is a pretty wonderful thing.
I am sex-starved, though. Maybe I should go to "piecing" or "sex-starved".
I just believe that if the physical contact was good, it would help with all the chemicals and hormones that make him experience "feelings".
I think the 180 I needed was on my attitude, not on my actions. Of course, Michele says to change yourself. I notice that she changed the name of her "A Woman's Guide to Changing Her Man without his ever knowing it".
