An Apology from my MLC ex-wife

[MHL]

MHL, what gave me the "chill" you describe is her saying the part about not wanting YOU to revert to old habits...because that, coupled with her not talking about herself anymore, again made it seem like she was externalizing the problems of the marriage on to you.

You can analyze, overthink, justify your part and even dismiss this fear; and no matter what you do, if you don't understand that this fear is valid on their part, in fact if you don't have this fear about yourself, even just a little?

Then your not really reconcilling anything. That old behaviour was a driving force in their choice to leave, to cheat to, divorce, to cut you out of their life.

To me there are three things the MLC must overcome if they are going to be the LBS's life...a healthy LBSer. : )

1 - the MLC itself.
2 - Pride over judgement and condemnation from others.
3 - their fear that the LBS has not actually changed and this is all a trick.

Great points Jack and I do agree that there is that fear in me.

My XW's major complaint about me was my temper and mood swings (which was really my brooding when my needs were not being met), I was a classic case of "No more Mr. Nice Guy".

It haunts me everytime I have to "get stern" with my son or daughter. Afterwards I wonder if the kids think of the "old Dad" that would get mad at the drop of a hat.

I would be interested to have further conversations with my XW and ask why she feels comfortable now being in my presence.....could be that she knows she has her own place and could bail out at any time. Funny thing is everything is totally reversed now.....she draws out the conversations, she lingers when we are together, she suggests things that will put us in contact. I on the otherhand do just the opposite.

I think that in the beginning and for a long time we the LBSer are faking the changes because we are making them for our weyward spouses.......it is not until you make the changes for YOU that they become real.