OUCH! Yes, you are right. I guess I hold onto his words too much. He says he doesn't want a divorce again. Well, prove it I said -again. BUt, I feel if I do what I just did maybe any chance where he really is reconsidering R I just squelched because of my venting. Mach- that is what I did. Good word for it. I feel like I was trying to make him hear/see how insane he sounds/is. "I don't want a d but, I will continue living with OW." Are you kiddding me? I did it cause it makes me feel better. Even for 10 seconds. I get to say my peace. How I feel cause he really doesn't care or ask or want to know. SO , I do it anyway, Pathetic. My ego seems to be a problem because I become really angry when I think of OW and how he has chosen her over me and kids. He says there is no R well really?! You are still there?!? He is still getting drunk and missing work or showing up late. This is still a problem he doesn't see. We (and I use that loosely) are working on paying off marital debts. I want to be able to do this without L because it will save me money. As far as my choices- I dwell on what I do. How it affects him. How he sees me. Dumb I suppose. I told him it is like he throws me a bone to hold me over and then walks away for a couple more weeks. I feel like a loser. I am acting like one too.
