I never read your wife's complaints, but if you feel she is being abusive, consider reading the book no more mr nice guy. It has a lot of good insights about men that appease women, and get nothing but grief out of it.
I'll drop some quick tips, first when she gets mad create, and give her space. You don't want to add fuel for the fire. Get away and calm down. While you do this it is imperative that you don't pretend like nothing is wrong. If you are mad, be mad. Theres a difference between being mad and being angry. You don't have to lose your temper, you also shouldn't jump through hoops to make everything ok. Let her throw her tantrum, and for the most part ignore. Once she comes around, don't pretend nothing is wrong. This just shows her that you are eager to make up no matter how bad she treats you.
After things have calmed down let her know, that you understand she is stressed, but taking it out on you is wrong, and you don't want the two of you to have that type of relationship dynamic.
If she gets angry at you hold your ground. This can be done gently but firmly.
